Self-Limiting Beliefs

As I looked at my past, I began to see places where I limited myself. My parents taught me what they thought I needed to learn. I went to church with my parents all my life. Thank goodness it was a very loving church and taught nothing that made me fear God. My God has always been a “God of pure love.” Jesus followed God’s suit as he loved unconditionally and stepped across self-limiting boundaries. I studied what Jesus did! The “Holy Spirit” fascinated me, because I did not quite understand it.

As I moved through that difficult marriage and began working on changing my own internal belief about me divorcing my husband, I began to question my beliefs. Wanting to understand more about what I believed rather than what others taught me to believe,” I looked within as well as without for answers. I spent time studying situations in my past, and I finally saw how I limited myself twice when making decisions. Both times involved money. Later, I learned that different decisions could have greatly helped me rather than hurt me in any way. But I said, “No” when I should have said, “Yes.”

My first “no” happened when I was putting myself through college and worked while going to school. I decided to go through a rush at the University of Oklahoma to see if, by joining a sorority, I could find a place to live that was nice but not as costly as the dorms were to be during my Freshman year. Not many go through a rush to join a sorority of choice asking monthly costs. I learned of a sorority that I not only loved but would be able to live in after my Freshman year in school. Luckily, they liked me and invited me to join. I was thrilled. While living in the Delta Gamma house during my sophomore year, I learned that cheerleading tryouts were coming up soon. Due to encouragement, I signed up to try out for “OU Cheerleader” and attended many practices.

I did not tell my parents, who were struggling with money issues due to my mother’s health problems, what I was doing.  I also knew how much it cost to be a cheerleader in my high school for the uniform, travel to and from games, eating along the way, and other cheerleading events. On the day those wanting to audition for cheerleader were to try out, I decided that I better work instead of being a cheerleader. I knew I would not be able to pay for everything plus take off time from work for travel to games, etc. Trying not to be sad about my decision, I went to work rather than an audition. Later that same day, I received a telephone call from someone that was a part of the decision-making group asking, “Why, Susie, did you not come?” 

My response was truthful. “I decided that I could not do this due to the cost of school, my expense every month for room and board, and clothes.” I heard silence on the other end and then, “Susie, every person choosing had been watching you during practices, and you were going to have the honor of being a cheerleader for the University of Oklahoma. Did you not know that you would have been getting help through your Junior and Senior years while you were a cheerleader?”I was almost sick. So that was the first big mistake I made. I would not have to leave school to earn money so that I could return to school. I thought that I could remain in school if I worked. As it turned out, I had to stop anyway. I hoped to return after earning enough money, but I did not get to do that for another sixteen years.

Another situation happened several months after I entered that second marriage. We returned to my home state of Oklahoma, and I decided to begin a business on my own. I was going to sell nutrition products and hopefully help others not have cancer! Only about two months into this new endeavor, I answered the phone hoping for an order. It was the owner of a bank that I had known for many years. He was wanting to visit with me about the possibility of sitting on the board of his bank. I listened as he said that he planned to bring up my name at the upcoming board meeting. He continued by saying that with my MBA and knowing I was on many boards in New Mexico and that the Governor appointed me to several state committees, he thought I would be a good addition. I graciously thanked him and asked him not to present my name because I was just beginning my own business and had no time to be on anyone’s board. I explained that I wanted to focus on my goals at work.

Once again I did not ask questions. I simply knew that I was the only breadwinner at the time and that I had to make money, but I did not say that. My husband was not working at all. We had purchased a home, and there was a big house payment. I had no idea that a person serving on a profit-making business’ board received some money. On the boards of non-profits and for the government, I sometimes received a trip for training and always received payments for mileage to and from board meetings.

Where else was I saying “no” to a situation that might be a “yes” for me if I understood something more about it? This thought kept bugging me. Thus, when Cathy came by one Saturday morning and asked if I wanted to go to a Wellness Fair with her, I wondered, “What is a wellness fair?” Asking Cathy this question, she responded with, “I am not sure.” This suggestion reminded me of her vision quest! I quickly agreed to go. It seemed to fit. After all, I was selling nutritional products at the time.

Entering the hotel where the fair was to be, Cathy and I both wondered about what we were going to see. We paid an entrance fee and stepped inside a large room filled with people and multiple booths. One had great books, another had rocks, and still, another one had terrific jewelry. Those three were our favorites.  There was a person doing massage on people fully clothed across the room. I jumped into that, and it was good. And, interestingly, there were psychics doing readings also. We agreed that we had never been to this type of fair. I checked myself as I looked at each person and kept in mind that God is everywhere, and God is also in this room. I began to look at each person with a knowing that we all have a spark of God within us, and that means every person doing a psychic doing readings also has that spark within. Cathy and I each sat down in front of several psychics for a reading. We noticed that everybody there looked very nice. Not one person looked a little kooky to us!

I kept remembering that intuition is a Spiritual faculty above the intellect. We carefully listened to what was said to each one of us. Both of us realized that some had higher intuition than others, but all were intuitively acute and kind. There was no way to doubt the gift of some of the ones doing readings. They were encouraging those that shared their difficult times with them, and they also were inspiring people to go forward on their path in life. We also went into another room to listen to one of the speakers that offering solutions surrounding everyday life problems. The one we attended was an excellent explanation of why it is good to walk a labyrinth. It turned into a perfect and different day for the two of us.

Months went by. When I went to the beauty shop, I overheard a conversation several other women were having. I guess I was eavesdropping when I heard them talking about someone that read their chart and gave them a year-long report or something that showed each day. What were they talking about? Well, about that time I started getting my own hair washed and could no longer listen. About six weeks later when I returned for a haircut, I again heard people talking about the same subject. I interrupted this time and asked where they got this daily report. I learned the name of the woman was “Gloria Star.” She lived right in Norman. They gave me her telephone number and suggested that I go for my own appointment, saying that she was an astrologer.

I kept her number awhile and wondered if I dared talk to her and find out for myself what she was doing? Remember, I was checking my own beliefs. Here I was now again. One day I decided to call for an appointment. I could always cancel. And I did not have to tell anyone. I only told one person, my Al-Anon sponsor. I decided to share with her as she had just gone to a Shirley McLaine retreat. I hesitantly drove to my appointment. I noticed that it was a very nice house. It did not look scary at all. Gloria met me at the door and invited me inside. Rather than bolt and run because I was not certain about doing this, I decided to sit down in the chair in front of her desk. Her kindness and smile caused me to relax, enjoy our visit, and listen with surprise at what she learned from my chart! It is a science!

All she knew about me was my name, address, phone number plus my date and time of birth. She had a chart in front of her which I later learned showed the location of stars when I was born and the present location of stars. Our visit gave me some interesting information. She told me what she could see when I was four. I learned that she had written several books which were already published on astrology. I asked more questions and listened carefully to her answers. Without asking me questions, she smiled and said, “Are you ready?” I responded, “Yes.” Goria began telling me what happened, how some of my patterns developed, and more. While talking, she recorded what she said so that I could listen to it later. As she talked, I began to think “Maybe the wise men following the stars were astrologers.” She shared more about my past and then she eventually came to the present and what she saw in my future according to the transition of stars.

As a gift to myself, I have her look at my chart and tell me what she sees every birthday. Why? I delight in the confirmation of what I am also seeing When something upsets me, I can see what she had to say about that time of the year. It nudges my intuition to a higher level. It helps me relax about a tough situation and also helps me sometimes have a different perspective. Gloria has gone on to write many more published books on astrology and is extremely respected in her field. She is not only a great person and an excellent astrologer, but today she is happily married, has a wonderful husband and family. They are moving to the Seattle area and Seattle is lucky to have all of them.

LESSON: By setting aside my ego and my past judgment as I entered the Wellness Fair and the astrologer’s home that I have talked about, I learned. I kept listening to my heart. What I did was between myself and God. My friends in life come in all shapes and colors and each one is unique. God is truly in every situation and in every room we enter. As we expand and learn more about Self, we have the opportunity to carry our own peace, love, and God’s joy into every room we enter.

GIFT: I knew what I had been taught, but I set all judgment caused by past teachings aside when I met each person and visited with others at the wellness fair. I did the same when meeting with Gloria. These people were using their intuition, learned skills, and gifts to try to help people that were hoping to improve their lives. Some were excellent and some were beginners.

I met one person that was reading at one wellness fair and later discovered this person that did my reading at the fair was a professor at OU. I attended his seminar and recognized him. We visited. Most were not aware of his gift. I met people attending that fair that were out of work and others that were professionals. Some had gone through death in their family while others were having relationship issues,and the list went on. I visited with a lawyer that I knew and another doctor I knew. As I said before, no one looked like I would have expected. Perhaps I was expecting costumes after I entered like at the Medieval Fair in Norman. Everyone was dressed nicely, some casually and some looked like they just came from work meetings.

This was the best gift. When I was asked to be a speaker at a Wellness Fair later on in my life, I knew what it was and said “yes” immediately. I knew it was a place people went to when they were hoping for help in life or perhaps had sometimes been hurt so much that they had lost faith. I had no doubt that if Jesus were asked to speak, he would. I know I am not Jesus. I am Susanne.