So many thoughts kept coming to me about this experience of a vision quest. I could not, by any means, share everything with someone or you. To this day, I am still having “aha’s” about something that happened on that quest, as well as the other three that I did.
As that last sweat where we told stories ended, Gary suggested I make prayer ties for each of the animals I saw and all of the signs I received on the hill. After the feast, John helped me gather what I was to keep, and my part of we took for camping before the quest. He must have known how tired I was and realized that I did not understand how tired I was. After helping me into my apartment and getting me something to eat, he immediately said that he would head down the road. He left. I took a long shower and walked into the bed, and laid down. When I did so, I heard an Indian singing the four-direction song. I opened my eyes and still heard it. I closed my eyes and listened and fell sound asleep. When I woke up, it was 7 o’clock. I called Sally.
Sally came to get me, and we went to get a malt. She wanted to talk more about the Deva Kingdom lights that I saw. Did they represent “illumination” about life? Perhaps the three fingers lighting up had something to do with healing or writing and helping others. When I returned home, I again went straight to bed. It was now at 9 o’clock. I slept well and dreamed. John and I were standing on a big piece of land. I was handing John things, items that I could not identify. I was helping him prepare for the Sun Dance, helping him be ready!
It dawned on me how much Mother Earth helped me. At the beginning of the quest, when the people left me, not a single person looked back. I spread my blanket on the ground, sat on it, laid down, and dozed. I heard a rumbling in the earth. Was that noise in the earth? Yes, and it returned. I opened my eyes and saw that the clouds were beginning to move across the moon. But my warning came from within the earth. Then the lights came. I had lights coming from Heaven during the day and lights coming up from Earth during the night. Was these light attempting to tell me that what happens in Heaven also happens on earth or that my affirmation about creating Heaven on Earth can come about? If this happens for me, perhaps I can help others bring Heaven to Earth.
(I typed this statement about lights yesterday and went to bed thinking about all the blessings I have received since that first quest. Today my devotional quoted a verse I must have previously read several times in the Bible but did not truly see and relate to my lights. Today this verse opened up for me. It is from James 1:17. Both James from Heaven and the lights are important to me. I had a major dream about James of Heaven that brought a gift I will share with you later in a later blog. But look at this synchronicity. I wrote about lights in this blog yesterday and today opened my devotional to Friday, November 12, 2020, to read: “Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”)
The banana spider that caused me to pick my spot was the sign I needed to pick my spot. A banana spider is that black spider with yellow on it. It made its home and beautiful spider web on one side of my house’s porch. I spoke to it every day and would not let anyone touch its spider web. I knew it did not bite and that it ate mosquitos and helped in other ways. Then it was where I could watch it on my vision quest. The spider in the Native American way is called Iktomi. It is a trickster. When it appears, it can warn us about something that can be a mistake for us to do, something that we might say “yes” to when we should say “no.” Making the wrong choice, though, might end up showing us something about ourselves that we need to change, or it might create a lesson that we find ourselves repeating over and over again. So it might bring the negative that can lead to the positive; thus, it might be a trickster coming into our life when we are willing to learn from a mistake or be a healer when we see it in a new light. This spider worked its way onto every prayer flag and ended up in the South, where healing takes place. It entertained me during the light of day. I felt like there was healing during this time of fasting and prayer for mistakes I made during the fifteen years since Don’s death.
By Tuesday, I felt better. Gary came by. He told me not to worship my pipe. Use it to focus. He brought me a small medicine bag and said it included everything I received on the vision quest. He asked if I was still receiving answers from the signs shown to me during my quest. Yes, I definitely was. I shared with him about the eagles and what they possibly meant and about the butterflies, wondering what was in each prayer tie they landed on. We talked about the many yellow-breasted birds that came into my tree closest to me. Yellow represented the East and new beginnings, like when the sun comes up. Gary and Elizabeth were going to go with Janet to Texas. His last words to me before he left were, “Always watch for signs, Susanne.”
Finally, I began to do a few things on Wednesday to catch up on my work and prepare for John’s birthday party that Boston and Savannah helped me plan. It was to be in my back yard in Norman with a few of his friends from Pauls Valley and some of my friends he knew. Also invited were some of the people that we normally participated in sweats with. That evening John and I had a fantastic discussion. It was evident that he knew nothing about this party.
Sunday afternoon, everyone invited showed up for John’s party. It had only been one week since my hanbleceya, but I had to have the party before I moved. Phil and Susan Henderson came from Pauls Valley. Phil brought Ebony, an eagle that Phil had nurtured to health, to the party. Ebony was a total hit and a gift for everyone. John was truly surprised. when everyone began showing up. It was a fun time.
Monday was the beginning of my move to my apartment. The couple that purchased my house luckily walked through my home and purchased many furniture pieces that I could not take to my small apartment. I moved all week and had something like an estate sale to rid myself of so many other items that the new owners did not want. I was truly downsizing, and it surprisingly felt good. I would have no storage shed, just an apartment. I also let go of everything in the garage that had been boxed up since I moved from New Mexico, plus tools. Luckily, John was gone the next weekend. By the time he returned, I had my apartment half done. Both Cathy and Kathy helped me move, plus people that purchased my home. Then, the remainder of my move was done by five other women friends. We were all named Sue, Susan, Susie, or Susanne. The six of us were single and helped each other move whenever one of us needed to move. They were now helping me. This move was super easy with the six of us working together.
Each of their moves had also been this easy. We all noticed how interesting it was to do this with only women. We all automatically knew how to set up a kitchen, where this or that would go. It was good. However, we did have two heavy items that we needed help with, my desk and my bed. Two men did help with that.
Dawn and Johnny both came to see my apartment. They looked at how small it was, and Johnny said, “Okay, Mom, we get the idea. No more moving back in with you.” Dawn laughed and said, “Right.” We were all having fun. Each of them did move back in with me during their lifetimes, staying with me or later, John and me, for different reasons. I loved each time.
The apartment looked okay but was not finished. Thursday afternoon, I received an unexpected call from Gary and Elizabeth. They wanted to come to stay with me. I explained that I was no longer in my house and was now in a small apartment. They said that it did not matter. A friend of ours from Texas drove them halfway. I met them and brought this big Indian and petite blonde to visit me in my new apartment. I enjoyed them. Sometimes Gary would be in the teaching mode, and I became his only student at the time. I was blessed with a new understanding each time he shared.
LESSON: We all receive signs that we ignore. Perhaps we do not want to notice, or perhaps something might have to change if we paid attention to the sign/signs that we were being given. Once we wake up, open up, gain courage, practice acceptance, and only focus on improving Self rather than changing family or friends or a partner at home or work, our whole life begins to soar to a higher level.
GIFTS: God and Spirit are in the middle of every situation. To always remember, that brings more peace within, even when it is difficult. I had the opportunity to practice remembering this through all three long nights that brought wet and cold. And I felt so, so good afterward. I believe I saw my life, and the hard times, and lessons I was still learning. I had faith that complete healing was coming in my future with all that I was shown.
Another gift of this quest was the support I had. I asked for support. It was hard to do this, but I needed it for the quest. The fire had to be tended and kept going day and night. I did not know it would rain at the time I asked. Supporters would also eat and drink for me, and pray for me. I had some wonderful supporters that were willing to give up a weekend to support me. They each knew the importance of this quest for me.
Now Cathy and I knew about a “real vision quest.” I knew more answers would continue to come and be revealed during my lifetime.