Susanne Blake

Unbeknownst to me, my first husband, Don, drove from Portales, NM, to Albuquerque, NM, and back to Portales in one day. Then he told me that he had just filed to run for US Congress from our district in New Mexico. I was so upset. We had lived only two years in New Mexico and were essentially unknown in the political world. Yes, we had discussed that someday we would get involved, but surely not when we had two children who needed our attention, were still paying for his Ph.D., and were living in a rent house we did not like. How ridiculous! is what I thought. Plus, I was also about to explode because there was no discussion. He let me rant and then said that I could either come along and enjoy this adventure or stay mad. Which would it be? He suggested I calm down and we go to get ice cream whenever I was ready.

This was the beginning of Don’s political career. I was still in my position with the ENMU Drug Prevention Center and loved all that I was learning about what kind of help people with mental health problems needed, not just drug abuse. I also was taking two classes a semester towards a degree. Don began campaigning on the weekends and then all of the time. A very awkward situation took place while he was gone at our house. It was a pretty Saturday morning. I was in the tub taking a quick bath. Expecting my cousin Lawanda, I left the front door open to come in when she arrived. When a knock came on the door, I expected it to be Lawanda. I said, “Come on in.” Then I heard the door open, and someone entered our living room. I called, “Lawanda, I am almost finished.” Then I heard a man’s voice say, “I am not Lawanda, but I will wait?” I was mortified. I had left the bathroom door open so that I could hear the kids playing outside, and thought “Is he where he can see me from the living room if I step out of the tub?” I intended to wrap a towel around me and go to my bedroom, but now what?” Thank goodness! I heard Lawanda’s voice. She was introducing herself to the unknown man.

I said, “Lawanda, can you come into the bathroom?” She did so and laughed when she saw my quandary! She then went into the bedroom and grabbed my robe for me to put on. I finally was able to get out of the tub. With a full-length robe on, I entered the living room to speak to the man that had to let himself in. It was State Senator Colin McMillan, head of the Republican Senate in New Mexico. He told us that he drove from out of town to see who this person no one knew of was that now is running on the Republican ticket for U.S. Congress! This visit became more embarrassing. We visited for a short time before he invited Don and me to a reception to meet others. It was to be held in Roswell, New Mexico, in a few weeks. He was then ready to leave. We stepped onto the front porch with him, saying, “Thank you for coming.” As he visited a few minutes more before leaving and was looking right at me, I leaned against the pillar on the front porch of our rental house, and the pillar fell off the porch. That wasn’t very pleasant. That did it. I planned to find a house to buy. I did find one just being finished and dealt directly with the builder. I also found a way to buy it. Don was stunned when he called home a few days later. I told him about Senator McMillan’s visit and said, “I am moving. I just made arrangements to purchase a home by trading the piece of land you previously bought(without telling me) in hopes of us building a home at a later date. You need to drop by home and sign some loan papers.” He knew not to say anything, and he did get home a few days later to sign those papers. Within a few weeks, the house was finished. Dawn, Johnny, and I moved ourselves to our new home.

We had only been in that home for a short while when a letter arrived from President Ford. The letter was addressed to Dr. and Mrs. Donald Trubey, so I opened it. We were invited to a week-long training for candidates running for Congress or Senate. Next, an invitation arrived in the mail personally inviting spouses to attend the training and a White House luncheon with President Ford. This all sounded like a great learning experience, and meeting President Ford at the White House would be an excellent experience. We both attended every single training they offered, and I was right. I had a great time the entire week. Spouses had our own training, and mentors critiqued us on our speaking. They made suggestions, such as I might want to change my party from Democrat to Republican. They also had us make presentations on subjects of their choosing. I was provided material to study before presenting. I disagreed with the material I read and objected to what they wanted me to say. My mentor helping me said, “You will need to know this because what you will be presenting what it is that your husband will be supporting with us.” Not wanting to offend Don, I relented and presented the source of information even though I did not believe what I was saying. It did not feel right. I wondered how many go to those offices and go against their own beliefs.

June 23, 1976, was the day of the luncheon, and I was excited. When it was time, a bus took our group to the White House. We got off the bus and walked to those stairs leading up to the door that I always saw on television. When we got to the top, Don said, “Wait here. I am going to find a bathroom and will come right back. Wait so that we can go upstairs together.” I said, “Go on, I will wait.” Then I turned around and watched as others were getting off the bus and heading up the stairs. Suddenly, I got a fun idea. “I can pretend to be the First Lady welcoming people to the White House.” I immediately imagined myself that way and began seeing what it might feel like to be “The First Lady.” I began shaking everyone’s hand, smiling and trying to help them feel more comfortable entering the White House. The soldier standing at attention leaned over me and said, “You know that you are not supposed to be doing this, don”t you?” I responded, “I assumed I was not, but I will only do it until my husband returns.” I continued welcoming each person, and he stepped back into position. That new energy moved through me, and apparently, I did take on a new facade while greeting each person preparing to enter the White House. Don returned and said, “What are you doing?” I smiled and said, “Pretending.” When I was going through the buffet line, several people looked at me and suddenly realized that I was the one standing at the door. Each one was stunned when they realized it was me that welcomed them. All commented on being with me the last four days and evenings and then not recognizing me “at all” when I greeted them. Some said they thought I was the First Lady or someone special. It worked. It was a great beginning.

Upstairs, Don and I entered a large room with a beautiful buffet prepared and ready for our luncheon. We each got a chance to visit with President Ford. Something fun happened when we were introduced. We both got tickled! He was questioning me, and I began questioning him. Something I said made him laugh. A gentleman then interrupted us and said that we had to stop talking because so many others were waiting to speak with him. I saw him only once more. A group of us wanted to eat dinner together that evening for memory’s sake, and no one seemed to be able to get a reservation within walking distance from the White House. I began talking to the Chef and others serving the buffet about where to go. The chef suggested a restaurant had previously turned us down. I shared that information, and the chef instructed me to go into the kitchen and tell them that he said I was to use the phone. They would help me. The cooks in the kitchen gave me the restaurant’s number to call and said, “I am calling from the White House and … ” when they first answered. I did just as they said. Immediately, they took my reservation under my name. As I hung up, I saw President Ford and his Secret Service men stepping into an elevator out of sight of others attending the luncheon. He tried to step off the elevator to come to finish our talk, but they would not let him do so. He called to me loud enough that I could hear him say, “Goodbye and thank you.” So that was my lunch and my meeting with President Ford.

Later during the campaign, Don ended up with what they thought was a bleeding ulcer. He happened to be at home. I took him to the hospital, and he was transferred to a larger one almost twenty minutes away in Clovis. He almost died. It was the beginning of cancer that he fought for the next five years of his life. However, we did not know that until six months before he really did die of cancer. The phone rang in his hospital room. He was to attend a dinner the next evening in Albuquerque, NM. It was a fundraiser, and Don was to receive part of the funds. People were expecting him. Understanding how bad he was, they asked if I could come. I did not want to leave him and go, but Don also wanted me to attend in his place. They said they would send a plane for me and see that I got to come home immediately after dinner. I made arrangements at work and for sitters to be with Dawn and Johnny and reluctantly went. I felt certain that I would be seeing Representative Manuel and Jean Lujan, and others that I recently met. Our US Senator, Pete Domenici, might also be there. When I arrived, I was quickly escorted to the downtown Hilton Hotel. They were sorry I did not get to come in time to attend the $1,000 cocktail party held earlier. Next, they showed me where to stand in line. Everyone that was to be in line was already in their position to enter the room—all but me. Someone said, “You will go in right before…and then I saw him… Ronald Reagan.” I had no idea he was going to be at the dinner. They introduced me to him. We shook hands and smiled. Then the ones ahead of us began entering as the M.C. announced their names. The ballroom where the $100 a plate dinner took place was well lit. I noted that we would have to walk across the entire ballroom to get to the stairs to go up on the stage. When it was my turn, I was surprised when they turned all of the lights off in the entire room. It was dark. Then they put a spotlight on me the entire way across the floor as they played “If You Knew Susie Like I Knew Susie…” At the time, I was going by Susie as I had done from the time I was a few months old. (I did not switch to “Susanne” until I got out of that bad second marriage. I wanted to go back to my pure self and began by going back to the name on my birth certificate, which was “Susanne.”)

After I got onto the stage, a gentleman directed me to my chair next to the empty one by the podium. Next, I watched as the lights came back on, and Ronald Reagan walked across the room to his music. To this day, I do not know why I got the spotlight on me. Ronald Reagan sat by my side next to the podium. He was to be the main speaker for the evening. We visited lots during dinner. He had no one on his other side, so it was only me or be silent. W had fun. We talked about everything from marriage to taxes to children. Ronald Reagan told me that he brought California out of a bad situation, but he had to raise taxes to do it. He also shared that he had been studying taxes on bread. He said that it would only cost pennies if we could eliminate all of the taxes on bread. We left that discussion and visited about his love for Nancy. Then he looked at me and said out of the clear blue sky, “Nancy has an excellent astrologer. In fact, Susie, I use her when I am stumped and have needed to make a difficult decision. She has been a great help.” I thought that was very interesting. I remembered his words, and in l988, I had my first reading by an astrologer and thought of Ronald Reagan as I was trying to figure out some of my most difficult choices in life and why I made them. I learned that she had written many books. She became a great friend when we both lived in Norman. She is an excellent person as well as an excellent astrologer. Gloria Star is her name.

Don died at midnight November 30th/December 1st. Sixteen years later, after marrying John and moving back to Pauls Valley, where I was born and where so many relatives live or have lived and where both sets of grandparents lived, I went to the courthouse and changed back to Democrat as I was beginning to see how beliefs were changing in the Republican party. Do we really need something that labels us? We are all God’s children, and we are all unique.

LESSON: When we begin seeing Self differently, we can do wonders. When our mind begins to agree with our heart and soul, miracles happen! (I would not ever have gotten that position at ENMU at the drug abuse center if I had not followed my boss’s advice in Iowa City and started seeing myself as “executive” material. Seeing myself that way involved turning down four other jobs first as I waited for an executive position. (My mind worked fast to give me a new energy surge and different energy as I played the role of “First Lady at the door, which was just absolutely fun.”) Of course, I was doing a simple affirmation in my mind “I am First Lady, and I am welcoming my guests.”

GIFTS: I got to meet President Ford and watch how personable he was as he related to people. When I think of him, he makes me smile. This whole week of Ford’s training was a gift to me. I learned about, participated in, and actually watched the training for congressional candidates and spouses. This training gave me opportunities to plant seeds in the minds of those running for office about the need for mental health funds from the federal level to every state, talking about how it would help individuals and their families and our law enforcement officers.

Dawn and Johnny were with a great couple they liked for the week. I did not have to worry about them. (I was generally the one to stay home and take care of Dawn or find a babysitter to take care of them, if necessary, to meet Don on the weekends to help his campaign. I attempted to keep the family intact, attend children’s events if possible, and worked to support the family financially. Not having his salary was hard during both of his campaigns.

I was stunned when I looked up and saw that Ronald Reagan was right behind me in line and that it was him that helped guide me about what I was to do. After Don’s death, Ronald Reagan mailed a 9 x 11 color picture of us talking after dinner to me. The picture included him, our friend Congressman Manuel Lujan, and me. Ronald Reagan signed the picture and wrote a note on the back. Manuel also signed it. When he became President a few months after signing that picture. Manuel Lujan, Jr., became Secretary for the Interior under him. I received a letter asking if I would be interested in a position in his administration. I wrote back something like: “No because I feel like I need to remain in Portales and maintain a stable home for Dawn and Johnny until they finish high school.” Ha! A year later, that changed. Ask my children about those next years with dating and a marriage that was “not good.” They had anything but a stable environment! Lessons are hard; they do teach us!

Being at that event and visiting with Ronald Reagan was not only a great diversion from sitting in the hospital room watching Don while he was in so much pain, but it turned into a delightful evening that I did not think I would enjoy until I got there. We never missed another dinner. I was always with Don at the head table.

Do we dare join the ski patrol when we do not ski? When we were living in Las Cruces, New Mexico, in the late 1960s, Don entered the house we had purchased and made an announcement! While teaching at New Mexico State University that day, a student had told him about a meeting for people wanting to be on the ski patrol. It was to be held in Ruidoso, New Mexico, the following Saturday at the ski area. Thoughts ran through my head. “Is he crazy? We have neither one ever skied. Our children are 2 and 3, too little to enjoy this!” When I shared my concerns, he talked me into getting a babysitter for a day and going to the meeting the following Saturday. Explanations consisted of “there is no snow right now. They will not be testing us to see how we ski this weekend. We can see how much a cabin might cost us to make it easier for traveling back and forth on the weekends that we have to be there.” He was determined and also said, “If you do not want to do this, then I will do it alone. There will be lots of cute bunnies on the slopes.” That was mean! Saturday arrived. We went to the meeting and learned that we would all have to go through EMT training that would be offered free for everyone planning to patrol. That sounded like training that might be helpful to have at any time in our lives. I was in! We met families that owned cabins in Ruidoso that day. One invited us over following the meeting to look at a paper they had at home listing rentals.

I liked their entire family, and we accepted their invitation and thought about the possibilities of a cabin. Arriving at their cabin, I perused the newspaper and showed Don what I had found. On the first call, I was horrified by the cost of renting a cabin for the winter. On the second call, I asked, “How much are you renting your cabin for this winter?” She hesitantly responded, “Well, we do not have a cabin for rent, but will you hold on?” Me: “Definitely.” When she returned to the phone, she invited us to come to meet with them about renting the cabin.” We went and loved it. It was a two-bedroom small log cabin, kitchen with cheerful red and white tablecloth on the table, living room with a fireplace, rustic! The woman told me a story while we were in the kitchen about her and her husband coming home to find a bear in the cabin. She shooed it out with that tablecloth. After her story, I asked the scary question, “How much will you want for rent? We will only be here on weekends and are sharing the cabin with another couple.” Both she and her husband responded, “$60.00 a month.” We could definitely do $30 a month each! Surprised, we quickly agreed and told them how much we would take care of their place. The next morning, the telephone rang, and I answered. It was the owner of the cabin. She said, “Hello, Susie, I need to talk to you about something.” I thought, “Oh no, she wants a larger amount. Then, to my surprise, she continued with, “We would like to lower your rent to $45.00. You see, we have a light that we leave on outside. It comes on and off automatically. The charge for that runs about $15 a month. Would this be okay?” Me: “That is not necessary. We can pay you the $60 and pay for the cost of the bill for the light.” She would not have it. She said they had never rented and really liked us.

Now about skiing! There was a small ski area, Cloudcroft, close by. We went to that small ski area, took a lesson, and began our life of skiing. Cloudcroft opened before Sierra Blanca in Ruidoso opened. Perfect timing. When Sierra Blanca opened, we began our life on the ski patrol. We loved that ski area, the employees of the ski area that were mostly Native Americans from a local reservation, and our friends on the ski patrol! We all learned to ski. Helping many that came through the Ski Patrol Station that had gotten hurt was also rewarding. By both Don and I working one hour a day, our whole family skied free. Our two children, Dawn and Johnny, loved going to the cabin and spending time with other children whose parents were on the ski patrol with us. They began skiing at ages two and three. They initially began skiing with them between my legs. Next, they left me, went up the beginner’s lift, and could come down the baby slope. The is when we put them in ski school. Ahhh, my first day to practice my skiing by myself. I took the lift up the mountain and began down a slope I felt like I could handle. That is when I heard someone crying. It sounded like Johnny. I almost panicked but followed the cry and found him. He had left the class and found me!!!! Well, that was the end of ski school for him. He always skied with me until Dawn joined us. Then we three skied. And we all got better and better. We were on the ski patrol for two winters and then took a break while Don got his Ph.D. at the University of Iowa. Returning to New Mexico in l970, we went back on the ski patrol and rented another cabin. As I got a job and life became more hectic, we eventually stopped renting the cabin, and then we let go of our beloved ski patrol. Don had decided to run for U.S. Congress.

I walked into the new arts center wanting to learn about macrame and walked out teaching macrame! Can I do it? With Don out of school and with no money to get started, I needed money. I learned there was a new building downtown that had recently opened where they sold art supplies. I did not have a job yet, and our children were now five and six, so I decided to see the art gallery one morning while they were in school. After looking around to find something for children to do at home, I asked the lady behind the desk, “Do you have any macrame books?” She said, “Yes, we do. It is becoming so popular.” I walked over and picked out some books about doing macrame and then retrieved jute to practice with. When I got to the desk, she said, “Would you consider teaching macrame here?” I hesitantly replied, “Certainly I would. What are you thinking?” She said, “We need a beginners’ class. Perhaps you could teach one in the evenings once a week. If it really goes over, we could have two a week.” I took on the persona of someone that knew what they were doing and replied with, “That would work perfectly for me. Let’s begin with one for beginners and meet once a week. We just recently moved here, and I do not know many people.” She said, “Oh, do not worry about that. We will do all of the advertising and have them sign up to attend here. Give us a call in a few days and tell us what supplies you want them to have to begin the class.” As I walked out of the art gallery, I was ecstatic! This was going to be perfect. Don could watch Dawn and Johnny while I taught a class. I had not ever done macrame in my life, but I did not lie. One book I purchased was about how to begin doing macrame. That was the first item I had the participants purchase plus some jute… just like me… and we met in a beautiful room designed for classes to be held at this beautiful venue for art supplies. I made about $260 a month during that first class of eight sessions. I made more the following class offering another beginners’ class and an intermediate class. Practicing at home, I got better and did bigger projects, winning a blue ribbon at the county fair and the state fair.

Do I dare attempt a job for which I am not qualified? When we arrived in Portales, where Don was going to teach after completing his Ph.D., I took my resume to the Dean of Student Affairs and said I knew there were problems I could help him with. Eventually, he called me about a position. I turned down three jobs the Dean of the Student Affairs called and told me about. My last boss in Iowa City at American College Testing told me to stop taking the kind of jobs I normally took; he said not to take anything below an executive position. The Dean telephoned the fourth time and said that I would be very interested in this position. He asked that I come for an interview. I laughingly said that I would not do it because he did not know my value. He ignored me and continued talking until I became curious. After arriving for my meeting with him, I watched as he pulled my resume from his drawer. I also watched his expressions change as he discovered that I only had an AA degree in Business from OU. He wanted someone with a Master’s Degree in Sociology or Psychology! I suggested he let me volunteer for whatever the job was that he called me about to help him. I also asked why he called me to meet with him if he had not looked at my resume? He said that he noticed that I could get along with people in high positions and the hippies of the day young people. Disappointed that I had no degree, he turned my suggestion of volunteering down. I left, and he called again in a few days, asking me to meet with the lady over volunteers. I went to that interview about volunteering. It turned out the position was to work for a drug prevention program connected to the university. It had problems, and they wanted me to close it down in six weeks. I told the nice woman that interviewed me that I could try to do what they wanted. You see, I thought volunteering to shut down this program where they had been looking for a Master’s Degree person to run the program would help me practice being an executive.

The lady I met with explained that they were going to be losing their funds in six weeks. I suddenly got the bright idea to say, “If I can keep the funds, can I keep the position of Director?” The response was, “Yes, but you won’t be able to keep the funds.” I learned the funding was $21,000 a year. I asked where they acquired their funding and if I could talk to them. She said, “It’s in Santa Fe, but they will not give it to you.” Me: “Will you give me a chance and let me go talk to them?” Hesitantly, she said that I could do that. Two counselors had been working there, plus a secretary, but one counselor and the secretary had already quit. Thus, it would be the one counselor and me. She felt that I could close the records and the books. I accepted the position of Director for the University’s Prevention Center. Now here was my surprise. I thought I would be volunteering. Frances, who was interviewing me, then said, “How much do you want to be paid?” I was stunned. I thought I would do this for free and had been setting all sorts of requirements for my taking the job and working for nothing. I muttered out a low amount and left to see what I could do. The other employee quit the next day. He was mad that he did not get the job! The counselor who quit had a caseload of 20. I told each of them that I liked people but had no training. They all kept coming. It was just me. I did go to Santa Fe and meet with the Director of the Funding Agency. They doubled the money we received from the state for the next year rather than take the money away in six weeks. With no other mental health program in town, people from our community came to our center. The Dean and I hired a real counselor to work with me with the new funding, and it all began. He made me keep my 20, and he took the new ones.

Eventually, with more money coming in, we grew so big that the Dean asked me to leave along with my program. I called and got papers to apply for a non-profit corporation. We developed our own Board of Directors for what would be known as Mental Health Resources, Inc. We did, in fact, completely separate from the university. Not knowing how to do anything helped me. Can you believe that? I did not hire a lawyer to get our non-profit status. I did not know to do that. I did it and thought everyone did it this way. I had no idea that most groups hired a lawyer to acquire non-profit status until a man came to our center and asked who we hired to get our non-profit status. Another thing that I had never done was write a grant. Again, I wrote my first one by reading instructions and simply answering the questions. I was also counseling and developing programs for first offenders and their parents, plus other programs to help people. This required more staff. Serving on many state committees, I thought about who needed help, such as prisoners returning home. What programs would I have wanted to attend if I needed that help? Looking for additional funding sources, I went to the Law Enforcement Assistance Agency to programs designed to help prisoners. I added to my own education plus training while working with new ideas for our center. And I began being asked to do programs in schools, speak, and work with the state mental health/drug abuse/mental retardation association to develop and get a law passed at the state level to help mental health situations in all areas. I loved my position, my job, and the many lives we were touching. When I learned there were funds for an abandoned building in the middle of downtown to be refurbished, I wrote a federal grant to acquire the only funds available. New Mexico only had enough money for one building to be refurbished and made into a mental health facility. We got it. When I left ten years later, we offered seven counties a comprehensive mental health center, had 168 employees, and a $1.8 million budget per year. I left to enter the marriage that created even more pain than Don’s death. For ten years, I loved my position, my work, and all we accomplished.

Decided to start my own nutrition business and help people health wise. I have already written about this, and it also was a success even through a bad marriage. Then I changed and it was again time to let go.

LESSON: Sometimes, when we step off a cliff and try something we have never tried before, we might land standing tall. If we do not, we can usually remove ourselves from the situation and take a different path. Practice replacing fear with love – love and faith for both its negative, which we learn from and the positive experiences that bring passion forth.

GIFTS: My creativity soared in the above four situations.

I learned to ski so well that I could have been on the Ski Patrol that serves the mountain rather than taking care of people in the patrol’s first aid station where the ski patrol brought problems. I suddenly realized the ego wanted me to pass the test to pick up and take large people in the sled down the most difficult slopes. Putting my ego in check and my masculine side in check. Knowing I could succeed, I declined the final part of the test and was happy with what I had been doing. I loved snow skiing, as did our whole family. I did smile when I could ski right past all of the ones still standing at the top of a ridge looking down the slopes was able to whiz by and head down the steep slope and its moguls.

Teaching macrame meant that I had to stay ahead of my students. It kept me on my toes. I created wall hangings and even a hanging lamp that actually won the New Mexico state fair.

My creativity and not knowing I was not qualified to be doing something brought about increases in the numbers of clients and innovative programs to help people of communities I lived in and others.

Having no signs of preparing me for any of these activities above, they just appeared, and I stepped forward. I thanked God many times for what came forth. However, I began having signs to guide me when I began wanting more spiritual answers about life. That is when I committed to Self and God to pay attention to what I was being shown. Perhaps I have always been presented with signs, but I did see them or take the time to notice or was not awake enough to notice. Paying attention made life even more of an adventure!

With several people asking for more information about affirmations and then every article or devotional that I picked up also mentioning affirmations, I finally decided it was time to say more about what will hopefully help. Affirmations became a part of my life when I was attempting to grow my business. To grow my business and help my organization, I found a man speaking on his success to other groups in my field and made an appointment with him. Arriving fifteen minutes early, a lady ushered me into his office to wait. I sat down and observed a large whiteboard with a list of what appeared to be goals. I noticed the words “superconscious mind” on the board. Just then, he entered the room, and I asked, “What does the superconscious mind mean?” He replied, “I do not have time to explain. We will talk about that later.” We never did.

When I later began going through my most difficult time and began reading inspirational books about ways to remove limitations by changing what was within, I began to understand the subconscious within me. I thought some of the material I was reading sounded both simple and yet crazy. That is when I began to see what would happen with affirmations. I also tried some exercises to improve my own intuition. I wrote and used affirmations to help me change. As I began opening to new ideas and possibilities, I checked my beliefs versus the beliefs of others. I also began to step over self-limiting boundaries. This helped me see that some past beliefs were no longer mine. I began drawing to me different books, different people, and unusual answers. I not only read, but also listened, always checking myself to see if what I was drawing was better than what I drew in the past or if a past relief was no longer necessary. I learned that for me, it took prayer, trust, listening, intuition, and affirmations to reach my superconscious mind that we all have! I initially fasted once a day for four weeks for answers to begin, began meditating, and found a support group through Al-Anon. Most of you already know how all of this came about. I watched as my intuition became more accurate.

Intuition is your divine guidance. It is when you might get a message as simple as “stay in this lane rather than changing lanes” or “do not turn until you get to the next corner.” It is what we call a hunch. It is, however, God within, the eye watching over us. Someone that always follows the reasoning mind finds it difficult to listen with clarity and follow intuition. It is also difficult for someone that does the same thing every day and allows deviations to upset them. Every moment we can link with intuition gives us a definite lead to our signs. So many times, we attempt to think our way out rather than intuit our way out! Intuition is a spiritual faculty we each have.

Affirmations will help you develop and open unexpected new doors. However, your own action must come first. Write affirmations that will help you release fears in your life by writing words about what you want to come to you. Affirmations can release a feeling of being weak or a victim of circumstances that is causing defeat. They help overcome doubts and negative vibrations about Self. Remember this! One person with perfect peace and filled with love and goodwill can dissolve all negative vibrations. Jesus even said that “All power is given to bring Heaven to Earth.” And this God-given power is also within each of us in our “superconscious mind.” To work with God’s power, you must give it the right of way and still the reasoning mind. That means our part is to activate our faith. Act as though “I am.” Therefore, affirmations in the present tense help. For instance, I said an affirmation like this, always including my name, and I made certain it was in the present tense…as if it were already happening. Exciting words helped me remember the affirmation and brought smiles to my face as I said them. So always write a few words into your affirmation that bring excitement to your life. You might add a few sentences to affirmations to support what you said.

“I, Susanne, am opening daily to God’s guidance in my life. I am listening for answers and am excited about receiving them.” Then I took some simple actions to show God and Spirit that I was serious. I not only began saying affirmations every day, but I also did something else that was fun. Every night when I got into bed, I began working on a Temple. It would be my Temple within that I could go to when necessary. I visualized walking down a path until I came to a place to build it, then I began. I gave it a strong foundation because I wanted a stronger foundation for my life. I had fun designing the inside. Much of it was glass so that I could see the beautiful land outside. I also made a door on the right side of my Temple. I created a waterfall on the left side and placed a stage in the center. When I completed the entire building, I went to the door on the right and opened the door to invite anyone that had a message for me to enter. This was a great way to go to sleep and forget the day. This relaxed me and prepared me for answers to come.

I also listened feelings and my intuition to messages within when I did simple things, like go to a restaurant. I might walk over and sit down at a table. Before eating, I felt what I could. If I felt uneasy, I took note. I would get up and move. If I felt comfortable in my seat, I happily remained. Carolyn, a friend of mine, and I met for lunch one time. We were at a cafeteria, and the food looked delicious. Carolyn, a minister friend of mine, was also working on intuition and “listening within.” We picked a table, and we both felt it was not right. We moved to another table, and the energy felt much better than at the first table. Perhaps people were negative before our sitting down. By the way, this normally did not happen. Because of that feeling, however, and because it was unusual for me to feel that way, I paid attention. Active faith impresses the subconscious.

I do know that before I was listening, I would receive signs and ignore them. Many unhappy situations entered my life because I had impatient desires or wanted to avoid a conflict. That happened in my own lifetime. I wrote another affirmation. Knowing we each have an inheritance from God, I began doing this affirmation. “I, Susanne,, with God’s help, am drawing to me that which is mine by Divine right! I am receiving my inheritance as I speak, and I thank you for it.” That affirmation helped me become a true student of God/Spirit/Jesus and gave me the idea to place God at the top of my list each day, even in my planner. Then I listened. Answers sometimes came through intuitive thought, words others said, a line I read in a book that caused me to think, dreams, even a movie. It was as if my eyes were open and my hearing was magnified in all parts of my life! I began to see my personal inheritance being formed. All life is vibration, and affirmations improve your vibrations in life. With higher vibrations, watch what you draw to yourself and how your life improves. My life appeared to fall apart, but then it came back together in a much better way for me.

You combine with what you notice or vibrate toward! If you are vibrating to injustice and resentment, you will meet it on your path. To change your mood, you must change your vibrations. Turn on a different current in your thought, and you will feel the difference within immediately. Then you will see it without when you are stepping forward. Saying affirmations helps you “be a master of words.” It is difficult to control your thoughts, but you can control your words. Your tools are your words. Be certain you are building constructively. Remember that we are each Spirit in a Physical body. It is good for us to understand this spiritual law. “Whatever we send out comes back to us, and what you do to others will be done to you.” I have watched with my own eyes when this has happened to my Self in my past and others. I have cringed as I listen to words being said that I know will come back to a friend or see actions a person takes that I know will eventually be returned. I do believe karma sometimes happens right here on earth.

What happens when evil appears? See-through the evil, knowing out of it will come good. How can a person obtain peace when his/her whole life is in turmoil? By saying an affirmation. I am saying this again, always know that even if you cannot control your thought, you can control your words, and eventually, word wins out. Most people attract inharmonious conditions because they have been fighting battles and carrying their own burdens. We have to get out of God’s way so he/she/I can harmonize or adjust to the situation. Put situations that need help in a God Box and get out of the way. If you do not understand a God Box, go back to my God Box blog and read. That will help you. Next, write an affirmation to help you! Say it every morning and every night before going to bed, or put them on the sun visor in your car to say when you are by yourself driving somewhere. If you are waiting, do something to show your faith. Put your focus on something like “cleaning out a closet and talk to your divine source” while doing it. By the time you finish, your faith carries you through. You may have even received an answer while cleaning out. Intuition is an excellent guide. Follow it in little things and then trust it in big things. We can learn how to transmute all failure into plenty and all discord into peace. Every morning I make a short prayer of gratefulness to God, and then I add, “Thank you, God, for turning anything that appears negative today into a positive. Amen.

Very few bring into life what is rightfully theirs. Instead, they live as outsiders of their heart’s desires. What is rightfully theirs seems too good to be true. When you are spiritually awake, nothing is too good to be true! Keep walking toward being wide awake to bring your good into manifestation. Talk to God and Spirit like they are friends. Give thanks for a new day. Talk about constructive things. Do not look back and hash over hard times or discord with someone. Give thanks for a new day. Be immune to all adverse appearances. Be wide awake to bring good into manifestation. Know there is a way out of despair and limitation, especially when discouraged, angry, or resentful. Ask for “Reveal to me the way.” Make an affirmation to turn everything around. Prepare for your blessings and intuitive needs. Do not run away from a disputation of which you’re afraid.

LESSON:

The only person I can change is me. When my life became unmanageable, I surrendered. Affirmations can help me and you in all parts of life situations. They can help us go to the center of Self to find joy and peace within. Affirmations greatly helped me change my subconscious about many parts of my life. Change through affirmations does help a person reach the superconscious mind.

GIFTS:

Following the death of my husband in my 30’s, I thought there was no other single person in the world. Following a divorce in my early 40’s, I also felt this way. I had done affirmations about achieving in my work, but I had not used them in my personal life. Working on me helped me see that I had low self-esteem on the inside while I was a high achiever to others. I began creating affirmations that helped me like myself more. I created an affirmation about drawing interesting, intelligent, and kind women to be friends.

I realized that I did begin drawing men to me, but they were all married or separated. That led me to a realization that I did not know how to be single in my subconscious. Subconsciously, I was used to being married. I had been married for 17 years, single two, married for five. So I felt that was why I kept drawing those men. I wrote a new affirmation about liking myself as single and how much happier I was getting each day. And I focused on being perfectly happy and comfortable with myself as a single.

On a beautiful Fall day, with no date for three years and really happy with myself and my apartment rather than my house, I wrote that I would like to draw a kind, compatible person to have fun with that was a male. Nothing seemed to be happening, Spring came, and then I drew fourteen single men that “asked me out” in about a six-week period. I realized that the affirmation I created said something like “I, Susanne, do not know what I want for a compatible mate and, with God’s help, it might be fun to be like Cinderella at the Ball. In early Spring, men seemed to be everywhere. They were standing in line at the grocery store, at a talk I was giving, at a restaurant when I was with four other women. (That one walked over and gave me his card saying that he had been watching me and would like to get to know me. He liked my smile.) I went on one or two dates with every one of those men but told each of them that I could not go out anymore for a while. I also shared with God that I was too tired for this. I decided to rewrite my affirmation and begin again. Six weeks later, I walked up on the porch of this house, knocked, and John answered the door.

I wrote an affirmation about having affluence, having enough for me to live on, and giving to others. I wrote one about stepping over self-limiting boundaries and “knowing” my own beliefs. I wrote an affirmation about bringing Heaven to Earth. I, in fact, wrote affirmations about love in my family, about becoming love within and without. I wrote about anything that I felt to be a stumbling block to improving physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I wrote affirmations about my healing as well as the healing of my children. After that affirmation, Dawn moved back in first. Next, Johnny returned home from the Navy and also moved in with us. Both of them lived with me for about a year, and we all three loved it! We got to know each other in a new way and had the opportunity to heal Don’s death plus my bad marriage that hurt us so badly in our past.

As I said these affirmations, I watched my life evolve and change! Yes, it took time. Once a year, I also hid out for a weekend. During that weekend, I made vision boards and wrote affirmations, knowing I could add new ideas to my vision boards and could add affirmations.

After John and I closed my apartment that I had kept for one year following our marriage and I slowed down meetings and appointments for my nutrition business, John asked, “How do you feel about shutting down your business completely so that you can finish your book?” I sat quiet, and he continued, “I do not think you will ever finish your book until you let go of your nutrition business completely.” I was quiet because I was thinking about how this might work. I looked at him, and as I contemplated how I could do this, I said, “I agree.” I made a telephone call to Jeanie, who worked part-time for me, and said, “Do you remember we talked about your taking over my business if I ever wanted to let it go?” She hesitated and said, “Yes.” Me: “Well, I am ready.” I had the courage to close that door. I could continue to create money to help with our finances by speaking on other topics to help people wanting change and, at times, for corporations. By eliminating phone calls for orders and making orders for stock, I could schedule the time to work on my book steadily and finish it.

I wrote I wrote a whole book but did not like it. I was rewriting my book, “When Spirit Speaks,” for years and was on the fifth rewrite when we married. With every rewrite, I learned more about myself and healed more within me. I wanted everyone to write their life story to see what happened to them as a result. When I finally decided to self-publish, I had to take steps other than writing, such as finding a printer to work with me when I was ready, getting my book edited by John, filling out any forms required for copyrighting my book and acquiring an ISBN. I first found a printer willing to do his first book. He and his wife had helped with handouts that I did not have time to make. Next, I talked to John about editing. He agreed to do it.

I have to tell a story here. When I finally found a stopping point for the book, I gave it to John. I hoped he would get right on it and have it edited in a short while. Feeling like he needed to see what I was saying about him was also important to me. By editing my book, he could see exactly what I said about our relationship within the book. Well, he kept putting off the editing. A friend of ours who did all of the Native American ceremonies with us and loved being around came to stay with us while he painted our victorian house. We gave him room and board in exchange for his repairing wood that needed replacing and painting. He broke his shoulder while working, so we helped him through that surgery while living with us. In my past, I had purchased a book on soups that John laughingly teased me about.

With John not spending time on my book, I grew antsy but still stayed nice. I would casually ask about his editing and how it was going when I knew he was not doing it. John kept saying, “I am going to get to it.” Some activities always got in the way. My frustration finally increased until I said something that caused him to say, “I tell you what, you know that book on soups you purchased? I bet I can have your book edited by the time you cook every soup in that book. Now he knew that I would not cook much of the time, so he never dreamed what I would do. I smiled, “I accept that bet.” To our friend living with us until he found a place of his own and finished working on our house, I said, “You are our witness.”

Guess what I did. As soon as John left for work the following morning, I sat down with that book and wrote down every ingredient I would need to cook every soup in the book. Next came buying. I had appointments in Oklahoma City, so my next trip to the city included various groceries I could not acquire in Pauls Valley. With everything gathered, I began cooking. Every time John and our friend sat down at the table to eat, I presented nothing but soup. It did not matter if the soup was three meals a day or not. They got nothing but soup. Guess how fast John got my book edited. John and I rarely get mad at each other. However, we do love to have fun. I gave leftover soup to a family that enjoyed soup “with their mean.” We had no meal with soup, just soup. I certainly did not want to keep the leftovers because I had to go through the book. With the book edited and corrected, I was able to take the book in the proper format plus copyright and ISBN to the printer for the first printing of 1,000 books. Amazing.

While the printer prepared the first run of my book, John and I were attending ceremonies, both doing vision quests for others, visiting with children! That was weekend life. And, of course, Sun Dance. I completed my fourth Sun Dance. John completed his fourth Sun Dance the year before I did. He supported me during my fourth dance, just as I had supported him during his first dance. During the week, we were both working. He was lawyering. I was putting together seminars and creating workbooks for seminars. I took time to think about “how I allowed the door on my business to close, making certain people could still get their products, and then how Spirit had worked to guide me as I began doing what was necessary to places to present seminars. It was like I would have the right person in my life “just show up” when I needed to know what to put together for a packet to send to bookstores. I needed funds for 1,000 books. I also needed a way to advertise to sell my book when it was time for my book to go forth. I had to be frugal because all of this cost money. New doors opened as I kept moving forward, and it all worked out. It was amazing to me, and I took note of each blessing.

LESSON: Everyone’s life is interesting. Consider writing your story for grandkids or great-grandchildren to go back and read. Once you commit internally, keep moving forward. Ask God and Spirit for help. Spirit will help you keep taking steps forward, even if the step you take must be a small one initially. For instance, I sometimes had to do a few more seminars before I could do the next step and have the money that would be necessary. Know that sometimes one must close one door so to allow space for change. Another door will open. When you are forced to close a door, know what appears to be negative becomes a positive. If you write a book, do not give it to several friends for feedback. Please give it to only one person you trust, someone who will share ideas or give suggestions in a good way.

GIFTS: I closed the door to my nutrition business of fifteen years and opened the door to become a “published author.” I published. Positive surprises took place, and a few negative letters were mailed to me from people I did not know. They were concerned about my soul. I received so much healing doing this that I knew my soul was fine with what I did.

Another gift received was that I did not have to worry about what John might think when he read my book! As my editor, he saw it before it came out!

I watched as God and Spirit kept placing the right people in front of me with the information I needed. I also watched as people learned what I was doing and supported me with drawings they made for the book, gifts of encouragement, and technical help. When the book was ready, I had the money to cover it, to my surprise. Five years of work was really going to manifest into a book.

If you read this and have not read my book, but would like to, go to my web page, susanneblake.com, and download the ebook for free. Boston Blake, our son, set that up this ability for you to download an ebook. If you want a signed, softcover copy of my book, let me know by calling me. Leave a message, and I will return your call. I am listed in Pauls Valley’s telephone directory.

There is our timing when we want something to happen, and then we have the divine timing. Understanding is difficult. We later receive the answer as to why something happened, and it surprises us when the answer comes.

I began looking at boundaries I needed to set in my life. I even became frustrated with John and our relationship. I was tired of simply “riding together” even though we were literally together almost every weekend, and I was invited to all family events. Dreams began to enter my nights, indicating that I needed to step back from this relationship. I finally decided to do so and drove to Pauls Valley to tell John what was going on with me. I took my pipe with me and went to his office. I knew we both understood that if the pipe was in the room between us… we could say nothing but the truth. He would take me seriously.

I arrived at his office a little before five. John was by himself and a little surprised to see me, especially with my pipe. I shared with him my frustrations. I also shared that I knew that I had been out of a relationship much longer than him when we began seeing each other. Perhaps he needed to have time to see what he wanted in a relationship. He then shared with me his commitment to me. I said that I had loved our time together and all we were learning, but I knew what I wanted, and it was more. If he ever got to the point that he was ready to make a life commitment with me and our relationship, let me know. He knew I was rarely attracted to anyone. I told him that I did not plan on going anywhere. I thought we could perhaps be “just friends after a length of time of not seeing each other, but that would take a while. I also told him that I planned to write Boston and Savannah a letter explaining my decision. I had been with them for about four years, and it had been fun. I wanted them to know the truth about why I had to stop seeing their Dad. It was simple, and it had nothing to do with them.

Now when John and I ended our conversation in his office that day, it was almost six. He asked if I was hungry, and I said yes. Then he asked if I wanted to go somewhere to eat as friends. I said yes. We did so and kept the conversation light. He asked if I would be going to Santa Fe with our friends the next day to help another friend in Abiquiu, NM, build a lodge? I said, “yes, but I will not be “with you.” You will be a friend. I did go, and I rode at the van’s back seat while he rode in the front. We saw each other at some sweats. We were kind to each other and spoke. Sun Dance came. I rode with a different friend. He said, “Are you really not going with me?” My response was, “No, I am going with Roanne.”

I received a telephone call, saying that John was seeing someone else. I was frustrated at first but then was alright. I knew that I had created this. Six months went by. Thanksgiving came, and I had lunch with my Aunt and Uncle and dinner with my son. It was one of those beautiful Fall days. However, multiple dreams came the next few nights with John in them. For some reason, I was warming up with thoughts of him. Sunday morning, I decided to call him. He answered, and I told him that I was had been dreaming about him the last three nights and decided that I needed to talk to him. I also shared that I was coming to a gathering of relatives that afternoon. His response surprised me. He said, “Good. Can you come early, before the gathering, because I also have some things to share with you?” We went to the park, sat at a table in the park, and visited a short while before I had to leave. John asked if I would like to watch the Lunar eclipse with him. He said that he would come to Norman, and perhaps with the earth between the sun and the moon, we can hear each other. He also shared that he had been seeing someone. I surprised him when I said, “I know.” He asked if I had been seeing anyone. I smiled and said, “No, I had been interested in no one.

John arrived at my apartment at 8:30, and we went to Denny’s. I took with me a pad to make notes on during our discussion. I thought this might keep me from interrupting him as I jot down a reminder about what I might want to address when it was my turn. Funny! He also brought a pad. We kept the conversation light until the eclipse began. Then we began our discussion. John had a breakthrough at one point when I was talking. He stopped me and said, “Oh my gosh, I was too rigid. I have not ever seen myself that way.” I saw situations when I reacted to what happened in my past relationships when he was talking. When he took me home, I was slipping out of the car when he said, “Susanne, I want to try this again.” Me: “I know Libra’s. Let’s see if you feel the same way three days from now.” He telephoned and said that he did want to do this and would like to take me to dinner. I gave him a present, two doves out of a sand dollar. He said that he brought me a gift also. He took a key out of his pocket and scooted it over to me. He said, “When you pick up that key, you have the key to my heart as well as the key to my house. I want to set all fears aside and love you, love you openly.” I wanted to do this also, but I looked at that key awhile. Was I really ready to go all the way with this? Did I want to pick up that key, or did I only want the choice of going all the way in life with John? I picked it up and said, “I want to try this again also.”

Okay, the Lunar Eclipse was in November. Time passed, Christmas came and went, as did Valentine’s Day. John had said nothing about our future together. However, we were having a grand time together. One day at my apartment, I said to him, “John, maybe we are just supposed to be friends.” He smiled and said, “There is going to be a Solar Eclipse in April. Can’t you wait until then to decide? I responded, “Yes.” Everyone was thrilled we were together again, and I felt like I was dating a very different man. He surprised me at every turn. He asked me to watch the eclipse with him. He was taking off work and coming to Norman for us to have lunch. We were going to eat outside. Not suspecting anything, Dawn was here from San Francisco, and I invited her to join us. She did so. During the eclipse, he scooted a box across the table. It looked like a ring box. I opened it. It was a black star sapphire with a gold design surrounding the sapphire. It was unlike any ring I had ever seen. I said, “What is this?” He replied, “Not what you think.” It represents “a practice ring” for us. I had it designed for you because you represent the star, the moon, and the sun for me. I loved it. I had a romantic sitting there with me that I had loved for a long time.

About two months later, he asked if I would need another ring if we got engaged. I said, “No, I loved my moon, star, and sun ring.” So we set a date to marry in March of 1995 and, during covid, just recently celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary.

LESSON: Practice the four virtues of the Lakota Sioux nation. They are Bravery, Wisdom, Fortitude, and Generosity. Listen to your divine source and know it is fine to trust and trust again when your answer within you looks not only at the physical and emotional within Self, but also the Mental and Spiritual part of Self. If the answer in all four parts of self is clear, move forward with it.

GIFTS: We are blessed. We have a peaceful marriage. I had no idea there was such a thing waiting for me in my life. We supported each other in our careers. Our motto is “To love is to love all.” “All” means literally everyone, those like us and those that are difficult to love.”