Autumn, A Time to Let Go

It is beautiful outside! I stepped out and felt a slight chill in the air. Standing on my front porch, I observe the tall old sugar plum tree next door as it stands so erect, strong, and perfectly balanced. Every year it turns the most spectacular orange. I sat down on our front porch to enjoy this chilly morning. As I studied the tree, I saw a few leaves falling to the ground. This is a time to let go! At that moment, I knew I wanted to write a present-day blog, taking a break from my past life and write about this time of the year, sharing thoughts that traveled through my mind as I watched this tree that was turning and letting go!

It was during the first week in October that the doctor told my first husband that he would not live until Christmas, and we need not return to M.D. Anderson. One minute later, my aunt telephoned from New Mexico, sharing the news with us that our house burned. That phone call brought me a great and immediate understanding of what is important in life. It is not “a house or stuff.” What is important is “relationship.” He died at midnight on the last day of November. For myself and my children, this was a “forced” letting go. He stepped beyond the veil that keeps us from seeing what is happening in Heaven. It is also the time of year when I filed for divorce after living through a five-year bad marriage. This was “a letting go by choice.” We all have those big lettings go as well as the small letting go’s in life! Following the second husband exiting when I filed for divorce, I worked hard in my business. No matter how hard I worked, I could not make ends meet. The house payment was big. Logically, that should not have made any difference. He brought in no money anyway.

Time went by, and I had to sell furniture, let go of the house by luckily selling it for $100 more than I owed on it, and moving into an apartment. The “letting go” lightened me, and I felt better and better. My awareness was heightened about my thoughts and words. I was still looking at what beliefs were given to me by others and what ones were mine? I also found myself wanting to go in new directions regarding where I wanted to spend my time. I read different books than I read in my past and wanted to experience different ways to understand myself. Again, I had a beautiful tree outside my apartment that I watched change with the seasons. It helped me know I was going to continue to improve. I loved my apartment. In fact, after I married John, I kept my apartment for another year. On our first anniversary, he asked if I thought I could release it. I agreed. We had a great day giving to others living in the complex the final good furniture I retained from my home when moving into the apartment. We said goodbye to my tree. While living there for six years, it kept reminding me how I had to lose my life to regain it. That is in the Bible. Also, when we do lose our life to regain it, we will become known. Isn’t that interesting?

A tree must lose its leaves to return to us “like new” in the future. It is resilient! I watch trees remind me about our own regenerations, which also takes place within myself and others. The oak trees drop acorns that the deer and pigs love to eat. Maple trees produce wonderful maple syrup. One is not to tap maple trees while they drop their leaves, for it is during the winter that the maple tree’s sap is the sweetest. I watch the trees regenerate. We can take this time of “leaves falling” to begin our own regeneration. For many years during October and November, I presented a favorite seminar! It had multiple results. When one walked out the door, they knew their priorities and what they valued in life. A new life was designed. All of this happened in six hours plus lunch.

I presented it to multiple other places. However, when I began doing seminars at my home, I enjoyed it the most. I watched as miracles came out of that seminar. People telephoned me from Texas, Kansas, Ohio, and even some of those attending in my home wanted me to do it again the following year. It brings about major changes that we, too, can do during this covid-19 time. It is a perfect time to “look within” and decide “what do we need to let go?” Begin with a closet or drawers and be aware of all it might be good to release. What thoughts or behavior might it be good to change? Are you doing negative thinking about yourself? Think. It is also time to set new goals for next year, so they have time to regenerate. Maybe I will do this seminar again in the future here at my house!

LESSON: Faith is the bird that sings while the dawn is still dark. So when we see the clouds come rolling into our lives, as they will, try to look beyond the clouds with hope for the good things on the other side. Keep your faith! Balance by praying and/or meditating for at least ten minutes in the morning. Take steps to listen within and learn about YOU, how you are connected to your divine source, and what your soul wants. Open and Receive.

GIFTS: Peace Within even with so much discord among people on the outside.

When unbalanced, I had two crashes with car totaled and many, many tickets when traveling. I began balancing every am. I have had no more wrecks and no tickets. When we are balanced, we do not draw those to us. Sit down and balance for at least ten minutes every morning before you get to work.

Life is full of possibilities that one does not see until one awakens!

First Sweat

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John telephoned and asked, “Susanne, would you like to go to a sweat with me?” I said, “Yes, I would love to.” He then explained what I would need to take with me for the sweat. I listened as he shared that the women wore something modest, like a moo-moo with sleeves type dress. He said that he would pick me up Saturday at about noon. He also talked about a Native American medicine man coming from South Dakota for the sweat.

He picked me up in Norman, and we drove East to the country. John asked, “Would you like something to drink?” I responded, “Yes, a coke.” He stopped at a convenience store/gasoline station where he could fill up with gas. He went inside to pay and returned with snacks and drinks for each of us. We were visiting and enjoying snacks when I suddenly spilled my diet coke on the floor in front of me. John said, “Do not worry. I will get it.” He hurried inside the store and came back with a rag to sop up my mess. I noticed that he was as calm as could be! My spill did not irritate him at all. He wrung the liquid out of the rag and returned it to the store. When he came outside again, he had another coke for me. I loved it! He got a huge star for this. My first two husbands would not have been kind about the spill, and I may not have been given another coke. Do you remember that I wanted kindness and put it in one of my affirmations?

When we pulled up in front of a beautiful home, others saw John and happily came to greet him. John introduced me to each one and then took me inside and introduced me to the owner. Afterward, John asked if I would like to see the sweat lodge. We began the trek to the lodge, passing a swimming pool surrounded by a wide concrete sidewalk and sitting areas. Next came a circular yurt. John wanted us to see that as it was new. Down the hill from the pool and the yurt, we turned to the left, I saw a dome-shaped frame made of bent willow branches. In front of it was a dirt mound which John explained was like an alter. About ten feet in front of the mound was the fire pit. People were working on covering the dome of willow branches with cloth tarps while another man was tending the fire to be used to heat rocks for the sweat.

We headed back to John’s van, got our towels, and what we were to wear for the sweat. John took food and a small picnic-type basket from the back seat. He handed me the small basket to carry. I had no idea what was in it and did not ask. We then returned to the house to leave the food and the clothes that I brought to wear for the sweat. He explained, “Everyone brings food to share with others. There is always a meal following a purification ceremony, which is the proper name for a sweat. The women will be changing clothes for the ceremony in the house or the yurt while the men will change down by the lodge.”

As we stepped out of the house to go back down to the lodge area, a petite blonde was entering the home. She introduced herself. Her name was Elizabeth. She explained that she was Gary’s wife. Gary was the Lakota Sioux that was to lead the sweat. Elizabeth had a southern accent, and I learned that she was from New Orleans. I liked her, but she was not what I expected. I thought she would be Native Amerian. We walked back down the hill to the lodge, sat down on the ground, and John opened the small basket holder I earlier carried. It was full of different colors of material, yarn, a pouch of tobacco, and scissors. He smiled and said, “Okay, are you ready to make prayer ties?” Me: “I am ready.”

Others at the sweat for the first time joined us as John explained prayer ties. I listened, and I understood. First, we take a piece of cloth and cut it into a two-inch square. Next, say a prayer as you place a pinch of tobacco in the middle of the square cloth. Then carefully fold the material in half. Then fold it again, and it looks like a tiny pouch. Now you tie this small pouch onto this string of cotton yarn I will give you. Add more prayer ties a few inches after the previous one. This reminded me of my God Box I used at home, the God box I encouraged others to try. A prayer is released into each pouch. Prayer ties allow people to have something tangible they can touch and see. This form of prayer is experiential. A person’s energy changes as the prayers go into the small cloth with the offering of “natural” tobacco because the body releases the problem. The problem literally moves from the inside to the outside. He told us to take the prayer ties into the lodge for four and leave them there. They would be good for four days.

John also explained there were six colors of material with each color representing a direction: Black represents the West; Red is for North; Yellow for East; White for South; Blue for all that is above; and Green for the earth and all that is within the earth. He then told us how many prayer ties of each color we needed to make for this sweat and explained that the number of prayer ties to make for a different sweat might change. I later learned that when everyone makes prayers before getting into the sweat lodge, the energy is better. When we make a prayer, a path opens for the prayer to be answered. As each person releases problems before entering the sweat, their vibrational level improves. With prayers, each person becomes more balanced. Thus, it will be more balanced within the lodge rather than chaotic. This making of prayer ties felt unbelievably good to me.

After completing my ties, I went to the house to change into my loose cotton dress. I returned to the lodge to wait for more instructions, but none came. We visited, and then it was time to get in line. I did what the other women did. Holding my bright colored prayer ties in one hand, I moved towards the man holding a wand of sage that was smoking. A woman behind me explained that the sage smudge was to remove negativity. Now while I was waiting in line, I thought…”Okay, I have been trying to find a fit for me and looking at what I believe, but maybe, just maybe… I have gone too far. What am I doing here? Perhaps I should not get in.” But then I thought, “Wait. Give this a chance. You have gone to different churches along your path and have received from each of them. Go in and see what you might receive here.” So I remained in line. About that time, another woman turned to me and said, “Once you get in here, you will never be the same again.” I wondered what she meant.

Then I remembered my prayer. I said that I would turn my life over to God and Jesus and allow them to guide me. I said that I would stop trying to do this by myself and would watch for signs. Their signs had brought me to this very moment. The result of this sweat was amazing. Listening to this Lakota from South Dakota as he intermittently poured the water on hot stones while communicating his wisdom and understanding touched my soul. He shared Lakota prayer songs, prayers, teachings, and understanding. Seeing what happened when the lodge was pitch dark, feeling the gentle energy within, seeing images and shapes above the stones was most amazing. I learned the first round invited Spirit in, the second round was a prayer round where every participant prayed out loud, the third was for healing, and the fourth round was thanking Spirit for coming. The door was raised between every round. It felt like we were in the lodge for a short time, but I learned we were inside for a little over two hours.

When I stepped out of the lodge, I was wet from head to toe. Something gritty covered my arms. It was like salt. I was so glad that I was open enough to come to this purification ceremony with John and spend this time inside the sweat lodge. Afterward, I visited with Gary. During our conversation, I asked if he did vision quests? He replied, “Yes.” I said nothing about the vision quest adventure that I had with Cathy. I thought about a vision quest all night, and by the following day, I knew I would like to commit to one and have him guide me through it even though I did not know what it would be like to do a real one. I continued my discussion with Gary. “I would like to do one, so what do I need to do?” Gary replied, “You present me a pipe.” John and Gary were both surprised by what I was saying. John showed me what to do when requesting Gary to do my vision quest, and John loaned me his pipe to request Gary’s guidance in doing the entire vision quest. Gary accepted the borrowed pipe I presented to him when I committed to a real vision quest. After accepting the pipe I presented, Gary asked, “How many days and nights?” I said, “Three.” Gary: “Are you sure?” Me: “Yes.” So his teaching and sharing began. Most of my teaching came to me through my own experiences as I performed suggested activities Gary told me to do to prepare, dreams while sleeping, and more signs from God. In the Native American path, I was not told how to believe. I was guided to my own beliefs and understanding.

LESSON: Do not judge. I never dreamed that I would be sitting in a sweat lodge. As I shared my experience with my father, he was stunned! As I went to more ceremonies, some friends could not understand. I had gone to church my whole life. I read the Bible. Sometimes we do not understand what others are doing. My faith was increasing with each event and was lasting! Let go of trying to control and allow them to either learn from a mistake or soar! Know God is in the middle of every situation. The ceremonies brought the Bible alive for me. Rather than just doing a short prayer, I was praying with prayer ties for hours at a time. I knew God and Jesus guided me to this.

GIFTS: My faith was increasing with each event. The ceremonies brought the Bible alive for me. Rather than just doing a short prayer, I was praying with prayer ties for hours at a time and throughout whole weekends. I knew God and Jesus guided me to this. I believe we limit God and Spirit due to our own beliefs. In taking the limit off, God and Spirit seem to expand and bring more experiences and more answers in new ways if we allow ourselves to open to them.

I was praying out loud at home as well as in the lodge. When we pray out loud, it goes into the universe stronger.

I learned to set ego aside when making decisions or when communicating with others. We learned to set our ego aside for every ceremony we attended, for however long we would be there. What if I learned to look at everything that happens in life is happening “for me” rather than “to me.” Looking at what happens this way helps us learn more about this school we are in on earth, the lessons we are to learn on earth, plus our reactions.

This way is certainly not for everybody, and I did not even try to convince anybody else to go in this direction. If someone asked if they could attend a ceremony with John or me, they were always welcome.

Best First Date Ever

It was Sunday, July 2nd, when I walked up and knocked on John’s door, returned to Norman, saw the movie “Field of Dreams,” and talked until four in the morning. We moved from one restaurant to a second one when we became embarrassed about being in the first restaurant for so long. We both knew that it was not a date. It was a time of learning about each other and my answer about Sun Dance and many other answers about his life and my life.

Wednesday evening, John telephoned, asking if I would like to meet him at Purcell’s Braum’s for ice cream and a “short” visit. That destination was about halfway between Norman and Pauls Valley. My answer was, “yes, I would love to do that.” My favorite treat is a chocolate sundae. We laughed and had more fun.

Friday came along. I received a phone call from Shaklee Corporation confirming my reservation for a major free trip to Hawaii. I knew the person calling, and she said, “Susanne, it is a shame that you are not married and do not have children under 18. You earned enough to take six people on this trip.” We both knew the rules about their trips. Deciding to step forward with a request, I thought for a minute before asking one big question. I knew that this trip might confirm my thinking about John Blake and me! The first time I met him three years earlier, we discussed God while dancing. We did not get to finish our discussion.

I noted there was something extraordinary about our discussion! I also knew that nothing could come of our meeting because I had recently filed for divorce, but was waiting for a date to go before a Judge. He was married! I thought, “Now we are both single. I felt a nudge inside to go ahead and ask my question. They could only say no. It does not hurt to request this and see what the result is.”

So I said to the scheduler telephoning me, “Diana, I have met someone significant to me. I have won fantastic trips to Austria, Sweden, Belgium, and more. I have always had to go by myself even though my production has been enough to take others. Do you think they might allow me to take someone I care a great deal about on this trip?” There was silence on the other end of the phone because the rule was that no one could go but a spouse and children under 18, but then she said, “Let me check with others above me. I will be getting back to you quickly because we have to make all reservations by 5 o’clock today. Please do not get your hopes up, but I am going to check. We both know that they have never allowed this to happen before.” I replied, “Thank you, I will be waiting for your call. I truly appreciate your help.”

About 3:30, Diana telephoned. She sounded so excited as she said, “Susanne, guess what! They looked at your records and said, “yes, you can take him.” Now you have to hurry because I have to telephone with all of the results for plane reservations by 5 o’clock today.” After telling her that I would call her back as quickly as possible, I telephoned John.

Jean, his secretary, answered, and I asked for John. Thank goodness he was available to talk! The conversation went like this: John answered: Good afternoon. I was not expecting this call. What can I do for you?” Me: “Well, you might be surprised by what I am going to ask. Can you talk for a few minutes?” John: “Certainly, what is it?” Me: “I have earned an all-expense, paid trip to Hawaii with my nutrition business. I asked permission today to take you. They broke their own rule when they said that you would be welcome to come with me. So how would you like to go to Hawaii with me for ten days in August with every single thing paid for?” John: “This is a surprise. I will think about this and see what I can do.” Me: “Okay, I will be quiet while you think about this.” John: “You mean that you are not hanging up?” Me: “No, you see, I have to telephone them back as soon as I hang up so that they can add your name to all reservations, including the acquisition of airline tickets. It is now after four. They have to complete their list and add you to my reservation before 5 o’clock today. So I will be right here waiting for your answer while you can think.” Only a short time went by before John said, “Yes, I’d love to do this.” To this day, John loves to tell the story about how I asked him for a date to Hawaii before we ever had a real date here.

The trip in August to Hawaii brought more answers! We had a grand time. Beautiful hotel, wonderful food, multiple tours, some educational meetings about nutritional products, and time for the beach and fun. Being around each other twenty-four hours a day for ten days gave us more insight into each other.

LESSON: Stay aware of your feelings and listen for the answer. When Spirit Speaks, Listen! I listened to that nudge to ask to break a rule that had been followed for years by Shaklee Corporation. The door opened. Listening and following intuition does lead to a magical path!

GIFTS: John did telephone the next day. He said, “Susanne, don’t you think we should go on a real date before we go to spend ten days with each other in Hawaii?” Without waiting for a reply, he asked, “Would you like to go to Legend’s for dinner and possibly a movie afterward?” Of course, I was delighted and agreed to do so.

Multiple gifts came during the trip. The first one took place on the airplane. With his reservations being made at the last minute, we did not get to sit together. Once in a while, we stood and visited on the plane. As we exited the plane when it landed, two stewardesses presented us with a champagne bottle to take with us. They said that they had been watching us and just knew we were together and would have a great time. They wanted us to have this as a gift to enjoy.

When I went to one of those educational meetings, he went to the beach and looked for special shells. Once, he had a dove fly down to him and actually sit in his hand. He felt that it was delivering a message about me.

John suggested that we take care of three children of a young couple and on this trip for one afternoon. We overheard them say that they wanted to go someplace, but it would be too difficult for their children to go along. For a man to suggest this with one still in diapers, he deserved a gold star. He said yes and we had fun at the beach, purchased them lunch, and played.

Another gift came through swan feathers. Swans were swimming around a beautiful fountain in front of the hotel. Every time we came back to our room, there were swan feathers wrapped and placed in front of our door.

We also loved the music and dancing following some of our most special dinners. That was our first opportunity to dance in this chapter of life. I was not counting one dance three years ago. Like I said, lots of gifts! Three years ago, to go back and learn about that one dance, look back to the blog entitled “Dancing with Destiny.”

Spirit Speaks

My good friend, Gloria, came to Oklahoma City. We met for lunch and a quick visit. During the meal, she looked up and said, “Susanne, have you ever considered looking into Native American ceremonies? My response was, “No, but I did stop by the Mescalero Apache Reservation on my way home from Ruidoso to Portales one time, and they were having a pow-wow that I saw for only a few minutes. Why do you ask?” Gloria sat back as she said that she just had a hunch that it might be good for me. We changed the subject, and I dismissed the statement.

A few weeks later, I was awakened in the early morning by a telephone call from a friend from New Mexico. We worked together in New Mexico. She was our Public Relations Director, and we were close friends. Now she was working for Eastern New Mexico University in public relations. Surprised to learn that Carolyn was in Oklahoma City at a meeting and wanting us to have dinner, I felt fun and excitement soar through my body. We always laughed lots, and she could catch me up on friends I left behind years ago. We made arrangements to meet that very evening. I pictured the evening with just Carolyn and myself visiting over a great dinner. I pulled up to the Sheraton Hotel entrance in downtown Oklahoma City and ran in to find Carolyn. She planned to meet me in the lobby. I was right on time, and there she was. However, many people were also in the lobby.

After a hug, we began to discuss. I asked, “Carolyn, did all of you just get out of a meeting?” Carolyn: “No, I invited all of these people to go to dinner with us?” I looked at her, shocked, and said, “My car only holds five, six when scrunched. She encouraged me by saying, “Some others own cars.” I then asked, “Where are we going?” Carolyn began a long explanation that I am going to shorten. She said, They all wanted to eat at Cattlemen’s Steakhouse. I got a reservation for fifty for us.”. (I knew it was in the stockyards and its location, but I was still concerned.)

With Carolyn assuring me that some might even take a taxi, seven women piled into my car with two sitting on laps of the three-person backseat in and two in the passenger’s seat. Then it happened. A good-looking young Native American man that looked to be in his late 30’s opened the back door of my car, saying, “I would like to have a ride with you in this car. Is that okay?” All of the women were delighted and assured him that they could make room. I was not delighted! I said, “no.” Others were calling him and begging him to ride with them. I emphasized my position, saying, “You do not need to go with me. In fact, you cannot go with me. I already have way too many.” The women vehemently disagreed, and he slid into the car, sitting on a person’s lap. I thought, “Ugh! This is not good.” He yelled to the others that he was “supposed to go in this car.”

Well, this definitely was not what I had planned and visioned with Carolyn. Thank goodness. We made it to the restaurant. Sitting with my seat pulled as far forward as possible, and with nine people in my Thunderbird for five, we arrived with no police officer following us and all safe. I pulled up in front, telling everyone, “Here we are. You go on in, and we will join you.” The Native American told the others to go on and said, “I am going with her to park the car.” as he got into the front seat with me. I assured him that I did not need him to do that, and he needed to go on with the others. I hoped to have a few minutes to take some deep breaths before dinner with fifty people! He refused to leave me even though I explained that all I have to do is go around the corner, park, and walk back.

There was silence for a few minutes. I broke the silence by saying to him, “Obviously, these women are enamored with you. You must have been the main speaker today. Do you speak for a living?” His answer was, “Yes, what do you do?” “Well, I sell nutritional products today, but I am also a speaker. I have been thinking about taking seminars that I used to do for years in New Mexico and sharing them with businesses needing help and helping individuals with life skills. I asked one more question, “Do you like doing what you are doing?” His answer was, “Yes.” We talked as we walked. When we got to the door, he was a gentleman and opened the door for me. As he did, I looked at him and asked, “Do you practice your own traditional ceremonies?” He looked at me, surprised, and said, “As a matter of fact, I do.” I thought to myself, “Where did that come from?”

The two of us went on in. When we were shown the long table where everyone else was already sitting, we looked at the two seats left open. He looked at me and said, “Well, it looks like you are stuck with me for the evening.” We sat down. Everyone wanted to visit with him. Carolyn had people visiting with her on both sides of her. As I sat there, I pondered about how odd this evening seemed to be when my Native American rider leaned over and said, “Do you know any Native American in Oklahoma that can adopt you?” My answer was, “No, I do not.” He turned back to another person asking him a question. Carolyn and I were able to get in two minutes of visiting when he leaned over and again said, “Have you thought of anyone that can adopt you?” I replied, “No, I have not been thinking about it, but I still do not know anyone.” He looked like I really needed someone to help me and said, “You mean to tell me that you live in Oklahoma, and you do not know any full-blood Indians?” I responded, “Why do I need someone to adopt me?” He quickly said, “You have healed much, but you need more healing, and you need to go to a ceremony. To get into the ceremony, you need to be adopted.” I said, “If you knew what God has been doing with me these last three years, you would know that I do not need to be adopted. If I am to be at a ceremony, God will put me there.”

He then returned to the conversation to his right. I was on his left side, and I pulled on his left arm to regain his attention. He excused himself from the others to ask, “What is it?” Me: “Can you tell me what ceremony I need to attend to complete my healing?” He said, “The Sun Dance,” and returned to his conversation. I wondered, “Okay, is that anything like the ones we have where a person dances all night for a certain amount of money to contribute?  Ha!  I knew it must not be.”  So in a few minutes, I tugged on his arm again.  He turned to me.  I said, “What is a Sun Dance?”  He replied, “If your God wants you to know, you will find out.”  From that time on, he did not talk to me.  I listened to conversations going on around me, ate, and we all left.  

I kept waking up during the night, realizing the night was so unusual that it must have been a sign. I thought about Gloria’s statement and the few words between the Native American man and me. I dressed and knew that I had to return to The Sheraton Hotel, where the meeting was being held. I intended to find him. Who was he? How did he know I had been working on healing all within my Self, and I needed this ceremony? I got there and looked for several hours, only to learn that he was already gone. Then I tried to discover his name. This was so strange because no one knew it. They were all so enamored with him the night before, but no one knew his name? Then I went around asking for a program for their three-day meeting. I felt certain that his name would be on the program. No one had a program. Because I had a meeting of my own, I had to leave. I did find Carolyn and told her what I was doing, why I came back. She said that she would find out and call me. That did not ever happen. That evening had not been about visiting with Carolyn. It was about something entirely different, and I now knew it. Apparently, I was not supposed to know that speaker’s name.

Every day I kept thinking that I needed to go to the library and research “Sun Dance,” but I worked instead. Then one day, I went to a meeting in Oklahoma City. Afterward, I went shopping and ran into Susan, John’s Susan that was with another man. We greeted, and I asked, “Where is John?” She said, “Oh, we got a divorce six months ago. I guess he is in Pauls Valley. By the way, you never did come to see our house. It is now up for sale. If you want to see our home and see if we put some of your grandmother’s home into our home when we redid it, you need to come by fast.” I replied, “Well, I am coming to Pauls Valley next weekend for a family reunion. I will come by then.” She responded, “Good, see you then.” So I left. My cousin, Judy, asked me to ride with her to the reunion. I said that I would, but explained that we had to go by John and Susan’s home afterward. She agreed.

When we drove up to the home following the reunion, Judy looked at me and said, “Surely not.” I looked at her and said, “Surely not. I cannot believe this.” Their house looked just like my grandmother’s home that had been torn down twenty years before. It was a Victorian home with a wrap-around porch. When I knocked on the door, I thought Susan would be answering, but John answered. He was surprised, and I was surprised. He gave us a tour of the house. It was the same floor plan, but we only thought the back door might have come from my grandparents’ home.

When we were about to depart, John asked me to stay. I said, “No. You have been single six months and have not telephoned. If you want a date, call.” Then he handed me a 2×3 card. On one side, he wrote, “Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark.” I loved it. Then I said to him, “When you ask me out, I will say yes because I have wanted to talk to you for a long time. I wanted to finish the conversation that we began when we danced, but I knew you were married. Since you are single now, we can talk.” Then I headed out the door and down the steps to the car. When we got to the car, I put my purse inside. John asked again, “Please stay. I want to share with you a very experience. I just returned home.” Now he appealed to my curiosity. I asked, “What did you just return from?” He replied, “Sun Dance.” I reached into the car and retrieved my purse.  I said, “Will you take me home before the sun goes down?” John said, “Yes.” Judy was shocked that I was going to stay, but she headed off to see friends. 

So he told me all about Sun Dance over a bowl of popcorn. Then we headed to Norman. When we got there, we decided to go to “Field of Dreams.” Perfect for us to see. Then we headed to a Denny’s Restaurant and visited until right about 1 a.m. We got embarrassed for sitting there so long and decided to go across Norman to the other Denny’s on Lindsay Street and remained there talking until about 4 a.m.! We had to leave because John had to get ready for work, and so did I. That was the beginning of our relationship. That was thirty-one years ago. Excellent answers for relationships, healing of the past, and spiritual gifts continue to come right along during this time spent together.

LESSON: Pay attention to what appears and is not what is normal, to synchronicities, to signs. I might add this: What you think about, you bring about. What you talk about, you bring about. And what you think about and talk about, you become.

GIFTS: John and I finally got to talk, and we had lots to discuss. Both of us had moved through difficult times. We had each been guided to Native American ceremonies, the Vision Quest and Sun Dance, plus many more. John’s path opened up about six months ahead of me. I had a choice. I could go forward to see what this path might mean to me, or I could choose not to do so. I decided to go forward. I trusted John and knew he was definitely worth my wait for a fair and kind man.

Power of Spoken Words

Did you know that one person with perfect peace and perfect poise, filled with love and goodwill, can dissolve all negative vibrations as he/she steps into a room. It is important that we understand this. It is also important to know we can only change Self, no one else. When we change one thing in our lives, everything around us begins to change. How do we change a tumultuous, negative situation that we are in? How can we quit obsessing over a situation that we do not like in our lives?

We can learn to harness and direct thought! That is one reason affirmations help so much. If you begin to think negative thoughts about yourself at night or actually any time, immediately put in four positive thoughts about yourself. Words and thoughts must be handled with wisdom and understanding. An imagination running wild and building fear pictures draws to you something like riding a bucking bronco. You can change that. Rhythm, harmony, and balance within are the keys to success and happiness. You can have that in every part of your life.

We begin to change by changing our thoughts and words. It is sometimes difficult to change our thoughts, but we can start by changing what comes out of our mouths. We can overcome whatever is causing us continual anxiety. That means conquer doubts and fears. That is why the “I am affirmations spoken out loud repeatedly help.” We draw to us what is in our subconscious. We have years of input into the subconscious that cause repeated patterns or unwanted situations in our life to come to us repeatedly. Chaos from our past is drawn to us because that is what we are used to in this lifetime. 

To change it, a person can become aware of every word coming out of the mouth. Say an affirmation repeatedly for what you want. State it in the “present tense” as if it is already happening, using words that bring a smile on your face. I used to choose one affirmation a week to do multiple times every day. Listen to your intuition more than the rational mind. They say that intuition is a spiritual faculty we each have that is above intellect. How many times have I not listened to my intuition when I received a glimpse of it and even felt it in my gut? I ignored it so many times and plunged right into what I thought I “SHOULD DO.” When I began to listen and allow Self to follow my instinct, life became so different for me. I did affirmations about “bringing Heaven to Earth” and what I thought it would feel like. Happiness increased greatly as I looked in the mirror and began to believe,” this could really happen!

I did an affirmation about liking my new apartment. Then a person finally offered to purchase my house two weeks before the next house payment was due. I did not get what I put into this house, but I received $100 above what I owed on it, and I would not have bad credit! I accepted the offer and began selling everything that I could not put into a 700 square foot apartment. As I began to downsize from a 2000 square foot home in Norman, I kept thinking about how I personally felt lighter! Much was still in the garage from what I did not release when leaving our 4000 square foot home in New Mexico. Sales helped me make it for the next few months.

I had been doing an affirmation about having someone to take with me to dinner parties or go to a dinner or movie with once in a while that might eventually become a steady companion. I did affirmations about “liking being single” so that I could like myself more and enjoy being alone plus live a happy, delightful life as a single person. Since I had difficulties in both marriages that I did not want to repeat, I worded my affirmation carefully and began saying it daily. I was beginning to think there were no single men anywhere, not even one to take with me to a dinner party. I was not certain what I wanted in a companion other than kindness. So I did an affirmation about “being like Cinderella at the ball and wanting to draw to me nice men to show me what I wanted since I did not know.” I also read the book “2150 A.D.” before Spring that I had been instructed to read about relationships. It was the book I received in my New Years’ Eve sack with the gold piece I was now wearing every day. (That story is in a past blog on Eternal Gold). I was watching how my vibrations were changing and drawing to me different successes.

Spring arrived, and I could not believe what happened. It began when I spoke at a singles’ group for a Methodist Church in Oklahoma City. A very nice gentleman asked me out. Then a nice-looking man began visiting with me as we purchased groceries asked me out, and suddenly there were single men everywhere. One walked over to the table when I was eating out with friends, said that he had been watching me, and loved my smile. He then gave me his card and said that he would love to have me call if I were interested. I did not call, but I had fourteen different men ask me out in six weeks. None of them held my interest, but they were all nice! I did not even kiss them. I did go with multiple ones on two dates before sharing that I thought I wanted to date but had a large amount of wor backing up, and I needed to stop going places for awhile.

Then I shared with God my gratitude for this exciting time in my life and told God that I could not keep this up. I told God this was tiring. I said that I needed to focus on work, seeing my children when they could see me, and writing a book. It was easy to see that something different was happening to me. It was so evident that my subconscious was drawing something new and different into my life! Change! We create our lives and with repeated words out loud, there is a change in our own vibration that begins drawing to us what is ours to have. We can release what is negative within and draw to us all that is ours to have!

I had affirmations that were changing me physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I was waking up and becoming more aware of each word I was saying. Words can hurt and even destroy, or comments can inspire and motivate. Both of my children were already stepping forward in their own lives. I made every attempt to watch my words with them. I allowed them to make their own decisions, and I did not advise unless they requested it. We were all three happier.  Each one moved out, but the time we lived together was healing and appreciated.

I listened to my intuition when asked to go somewhere or when an invitation came to me. I learned how to say “no” and not be responsible for the reactions received. I kept my focus on a blessing someone else that could receive for saying “yes.” Following my intuition more seemed to open a magical path for me. It was very much like flowing down a river rather than fighting upstream.

We are destructive to Self when we use words that are destructive even when we joke and do not mean it. We say bad things about ourselves and people do not realize when they say something derogatory to us and it hurts, it comes back to them. When I was around a group of men and they began to tease negatively about women, I attempted to explain that they were hurting their own feminine side. The same happens when talking about men in a negative way. It hurts our own masculine side. We are all both masculine and feminine. What comes out of our mouth eventually comes back to us.

Now let us talk about prayer. It is good to be aware of the words used in prayer. Pray with belief and with trust. After all, we are told by God to “ask and receive.” It is essential not to limit God when we do pray. Prayer is telephoning God. Intuition is God telephoning me. I guess that is why I love it when there is “synchronicity” taking place in my life and in the lives of those that share stories with me. When we pray, believe you already have it. Thank God for it. I am not specific in any prayer. Instead, I pray for what will be for my highest good or my _____’s highest good. I might say, “if possible, I would like_______, but if that is not to be, I am asking for what is for my highest good.” I leave the result up to God and take limits off God that way.

There is a cell of God within each of us. I believe it connects to our soul that enters with the first breath of life. God’s cell within connects every person on earth to God. For me, it is God, Jesus, and Spirit. Others may have a different divine source. I believe we can stop destroying ourselves as well as others with the destructive words we use when we joke around and when we discuss with each other. I know that we can elevate our vibrations, increasing the energy field that surrounds each of us. We do this as we become more conscious of our words and begin making more statements that encourage others rather than deplete others. I do slip, but I do my best to be aware of what I am saying. To change your world, change your words. Try a diet of the right words.

Eternal Gold


I continued doing affirmations and writing new ones to add to my internal changes so that I might draw new patterns to me during this lifetime. Several were about a closer relationship with God and understanding how Spirit helps. Some odd things began to happen.

A local friend that was a nurse came to spend the evening. After eating, we were sitting in my living room when a blue light shot through the window and across the living room. I said nothing and thought to myself, “What was that?” Mary, my friend, turned to me and said, “Do you always have lights show up in your living room when friends come to visit? I responded, “You saw that? My eyes were not playing tricks on me?” We both had no idea what that was, but knew it came in for a reason.

A few weeks later, my son returned from the Navy. Dawn had already moved back home with me while she was going to school. Our house was peaceful with no ex-husband living in it. Then Johnny returned and moved in with us. He asked one evening, “Mom, can I see that necklace I gave you when I was in the Navy? I paid for it every month until it was paid off, but I never saw it in person.” I said, “Certainly.” I left the room and could find it nowhere. I had not worn it in a long time and had no idea where it was, but assumed it to be with my jewelry. After searching for over an hour after everyone else went to bed, I gave up and joined them.

Upon rising in the morning, I dressed and sat down in front of my mirror to fix my face. The necklace was right in front of me. I could not believe my eyes. I immediately woke Johnny up and asked if he found it in the night? “No, how could I ever find it? I never saw it.” I woke Dawn up, thinking that she might have been up in the night and looked for it in her room. Her response was, “No. Mom, I slept all night, and I would have no idea where to look if I wanted to do so.” I went to our living room and sat down in a chair, contemplating in awe about this necklace with a four-leaf clover and a small diamond right in the center of it showing up! How did it get there? A similar situation happened a few weeks earlier when my friend telephoned and wanting her resume back that she gave me to look at about two years prior. I had no idea where it was or if I even had it. Confessing this, she said, “I hope you find it. That was my only copy, and there was information on it that I need.” I looked but found nothing. Then as I walked through the dining room, I saw it on the top of a stack on the table!!! I knew it was never there before.  First, the blue light, then Sally’s resume, and now the locket.

Thoughts kept returning about these events. It dawned on me that several weeks before Mary showed up, I began trying to hear answers from God through “automatic writing.” A woman that I met told me that she was trying to do it. She said, “You might want to try this also, since you are trying to have a more personal relationship with God and are trying to gain insights about your beliefs.” I was already meditating and knew that if I did that at the same time every day it seemed to work much better. Another meditator told me that happened because the information could come easier if the sender knew what time I hoped to meditate. O.K., so it is like an appointment. Thus, I began sitting down with a blank piece of paper and made circles across line after line until a thought came into me. I then transcribed the thought or thoughts! I did this every morning about the same time, at 8 o’clock.

So I had been doing automatic writing for awhile even though I knew little about it. It did relax me and prepare me for the day ahead. Perhaps I did have help from the other side! Maybe, just maybe I was connecting with God or Spirit or my Angels? One affirmation that I wrote and said was about a partnership between God and my Self in order to create a life with a smooth path rather than one with so many road blocks.

Three times I heard the name of a book called “Eternal Gold.” I knew I was supposed to get this one. In a hurry one day, I purchased the book not knowing what it was about. It said on the front that it was written by Jean Foster, author of “The God-Mind Connection” and “The Truth That Goes Unclaimed.” It was the third book in a trilogy of truth she wrote. In reading it, I discovered that it was a book about finding God’s Truth especially for you. I had imagined it was about streets of gold in Heaven or something like that. It was about our temple within and much more. Then, to my surprise, the last chapter was about automatic writing.

The week I finished reading it, I received a phone call from a friend asking if I wanted to go hear an author speak about a book she wrote.  I asked, “Who is the author?” She responded, “Jean Foster. The book she is going to talk about is her latest one.  The title of her book is Eternal Gold.” She continued, “The author is going to be right here in Norman two weeks from now.” I was excited and could not wait to go with her to hear her speak. This was synchronicity! When synchronicity shows up, I pay attention! I knew it must be Spirit working. My response was, “I would love to go with you. Thank you for letting me know.” Obviously, I went and asked questions plus visited with Jean Foster and her husband afterward.

Then came the weekend of New Years, 1988/l989. I had no plans, but to meet four female friends on the morning of NewYears’ Day for brunch. All of us wanted to begin New Year”s Day, 1989, together. That weekend we had a terrible snow storm. Snow and then ice began to fall over the weekend. I-35 was treacherous. Many wrecks and people were slipping and sliding everywhere. I learned the Mayor of Pauls Valley, husband of Terri Begley at that time, asked restaurants to open for people coming off the highway into Pauls Valley. No one in Pauls Valley had power. It was all over the news.

My own son wanted me to drive him to the airport. He had purchased an airline ticket to meet a friend in Austin. I said that I could not get him there on New Years’ Day. He said that I could, because I was on the ski patrol in New Mexico and drove in this weather to and from the ski area many days with no problem. Finally I agreed to try. When we stepped onto the front porch, there was a small brown paper bag sitting there. The sack looked to be about the right size for a book to fit into. I figured someone that had borrowed a book from my many on self-help had returned it. The sack was not even wet, but it was right by the door. I picked up the sack and set it inside the house before leaving.

When I returned, it was not yet time to go meet my friends. To pass the time, I decided to check out my sack. It held a book that I had not ever seen, “2150 AD.” There was also a note with a poem and a request that I read this book before the first day of Spring. No signature. Then there was a something that looked like a piece of gold that I had not ever seen before. I returned everything to the sack and set out for the restaurant on Campus Corner where we were meeting. When we all got settled in our chairs, one of them asked what I had in the sack. I shared and showed them the piece of gold. One said it was a gold kruggerand. None of us had money and not one of us knew how much this was worth. But we wall wanted to know who left this book, poem with a note and no name, and gold piece. So we borrowed a piece of paper and pen from the waitress so that we could brainstorm a list of friends that might do such a thing. One suggested I drive straight to the jewelry store after we finished and have a hole drilled through the gold piece so that I might be able to wear it until I found out who this was from. I told them I felt like the jewelry store would not be open in this weather. But it was and only the owner was inside of “Goodno’s Jewelry.”

Upon entering, the man behind the counter asked if he could help me. I told him the story of the sack and the gifts within. I explained that I wanted him to drill a hole through this gold piece, because I wanted to wear it until I found out who gave it to me. He looked carefully and explained that it was a “gold krugerrand” and it was 99.9% pure gold. Since I read both “Eternal Gold” and “The Alchemist,” I felt like I was receiving an amazing gift. But who did this? I asked how much it was worth and he explained I needed to talk with someone at a bank or a security house. He suggested that I acquire a frame to go on it and then I could wear it around my neck. And I explained that I had very little money. In fact, if I did not sell my home fast, I might lose it. He helped me look. He chose one I could have for $85 and said that I could pay it out if that would help. I decided to do that. It was the least expensive that he could find.

I left the kruggerrand with him. He said that I could retrieve it the following day. I thanked him for his help and headed to a friend’s house that had a date that night with the President of our bank. When I asked him what a krugerrand might cost, he said that in the market at that time, over $400. Well, I went home, left them to their date, sat down and looked at my list. No one on my list would give me something worth that much! I reported the result to all that were at the brunch. I picked up the krugerrand the following day and began wearing it daily.

LESSON: My lesson seemed to be “keep an open mind and watch for God Moments. Stay positive in spite of how things look. Keep going forward. Know you have help from the Invisible world. Continue to spend time with God and Spirit, continue with prayer and affirmations. Meditate and do Automatic Writing.” Then watch for signs that guide the way. Pay attention when synchronicity takes place. It is a clue that God and Spirit are helping! And WHEN SPIRIT SPEAKS, LISTEN.

GIFTS: The book “Eternal Gold” held amazing information. Listening to the author, Jean Foster, in person, and visiting with her afterward was not only synchronicity but was also definite confirmation of both my affirmations and the time spent in the mornings developing a more personal relationship with my divine source, God. I loved that the last chapter was on automatic writing which I had been trying to do.

Then all that was in the sack was a “hard to believe” gift. In addition to the gold kougarrand, I followed dirrections turned out, the sack held a gift that brought more gifts in the year of 1989 and beyond. I had to keep reminding myself “Do not justify of scoff this miracle away.” We all often do that. Trust that, by reading the book “2l50 A.D.” before the first day of Spring, something else good will come to you.

Self-Limiting Beliefs

As I looked at my past, I began to see places where I limited myself. My parents taught me what they thought I needed to learn. I went to church with my parents all my life. Thank goodness it was a very loving church and taught nothing that made me fear God. My God has always been a “God of pure love.” Jesus followed God’s suit as he loved unconditionally and stepped across self-limiting boundaries. I studied what Jesus did! The “Holy Spirit” fascinated me, because I did not quite understand it.

As I moved through that difficult marriage and began working on changing my own internal belief about me divorcing my husband, I began to question my beliefs. Wanting to understand more about what I believed rather than what others taught me to believe,” I looked within as well as without for answers. I spent time studying situations in my past, and I finally saw how I limited myself twice when making decisions. Both times involved money. Later, I learned that different decisions could have greatly helped me rather than hurt me in any way. But I said, “No” when I should have said, “Yes.”

My first “no” happened when I was putting myself through college and worked while going to school. I decided to go through a rush at the University of Oklahoma to see if, by joining a sorority, I could find a place to live that was nice but not as costly as the dorms were to be during my Freshman year. Not many go through a rush to join a sorority of choice asking monthly costs. I learned of a sorority that I not only loved but would be able to live in after my Freshman year in school. Luckily, they liked me and invited me to join. I was thrilled. While living in the Delta Gamma house during my sophomore year, I learned that cheerleading tryouts were coming up soon. Due to encouragement, I signed up to try out for “OU Cheerleader” and attended many practices.

I did not tell my parents, who were struggling with money issues due to my mother’s health problems, what I was doing.  I also knew how much it cost to be a cheerleader in my high school for the uniform, travel to and from games, eating along the way, and other cheerleading events. On the day those wanting to audition for cheerleader were to try out, I decided that I better work instead of being a cheerleader. I knew I would not be able to pay for everything plus take off time from work for travel to games, etc. Trying not to be sad about my decision, I went to work rather than an audition. Later that same day, I received a telephone call from someone that was a part of the decision-making group asking, “Why, Susie, did you not come?” 

My response was truthful. “I decided that I could not do this due to the cost of school, my expense every month for room and board, and clothes.” I heard silence on the other end and then, “Susie, every person choosing had been watching you during practices, and you were going to have the honor of being a cheerleader for the University of Oklahoma. Did you not know that you would have been getting help through your Junior and Senior years while you were a cheerleader?”I was almost sick. So that was the first big mistake I made. I would not have to leave school to earn money so that I could return to school. I thought that I could remain in school if I worked. As it turned out, I had to stop anyway. I hoped to return after earning enough money, but I did not get to do that for another sixteen years.

Another situation happened several months after I entered that second marriage. We returned to my home state of Oklahoma, and I decided to begin a business on my own. I was going to sell nutrition products and hopefully help others not have cancer! Only about two months into this new endeavor, I answered the phone hoping for an order. It was the owner of a bank that I had known for many years. He was wanting to visit with me about the possibility of sitting on the board of his bank. I listened as he said that he planned to bring up my name at the upcoming board meeting. He continued by saying that with my MBA and knowing I was on many boards in New Mexico and that the Governor appointed me to several state committees, he thought I would be a good addition. I graciously thanked him and asked him not to present my name because I was just beginning my own business and had no time to be on anyone’s board. I explained that I wanted to focus on my goals at work.

Once again I did not ask questions. I simply knew that I was the only breadwinner at the time and that I had to make money, but I did not say that. My husband was not working at all. We had purchased a home, and there was a big house payment. I had no idea that a person serving on a profit-making business’ board received some money. On the boards of non-profits and for the government, I sometimes received a trip for training and always received payments for mileage to and from board meetings.

Where else was I saying “no” to a situation that might be a “yes” for me if I understood something more about it? This thought kept bugging me. Thus, when Cathy came by one Saturday morning and asked if I wanted to go to a Wellness Fair with her, I wondered, “What is a wellness fair?” Asking Cathy this question, she responded with, “I am not sure.” This suggestion reminded me of her vision quest! I quickly agreed to go. It seemed to fit. After all, I was selling nutritional products at the time.

Entering the hotel where the fair was to be, Cathy and I both wondered about what we were going to see. We paid an entrance fee and stepped inside a large room filled with people and multiple booths. One had great books, another had rocks, and still, another one had terrific jewelry. Those three were our favorites.  There was a person doing massage on people fully clothed across the room. I jumped into that, and it was good. And, interestingly, there were psychics doing readings also. We agreed that we had never been to this type of fair. I checked myself as I looked at each person and kept in mind that God is everywhere, and God is also in this room. I began to look at each person with a knowing that we all have a spark of God within us, and that means every person doing a psychic doing readings also has that spark within. Cathy and I each sat down in front of several psychics for a reading. We noticed that everybody there looked very nice. Not one person looked a little kooky to us!

I kept remembering that intuition is a Spiritual faculty above the intellect. We carefully listened to what was said to each one of us. Both of us realized that some had higher intuition than others, but all were intuitively acute and kind. There was no way to doubt the gift of some of the ones doing readings. They were encouraging those that shared their difficult times with them, and they also were inspiring people to go forward on their path in life. We also went into another room to listen to one of the speakers that offering solutions surrounding everyday life problems. The one we attended was an excellent explanation of why it is good to walk a labyrinth. It turned into a perfect and different day for the two of us.

Months went by. When I went to the beauty shop, I overheard a conversation several other women were having. I guess I was eavesdropping when I heard them talking about someone that read their chart and gave them a year-long report or something that showed each day. What were they talking about? Well, about that time I started getting my own hair washed and could no longer listen. About six weeks later when I returned for a haircut, I again heard people talking about the same subject. I interrupted this time and asked where they got this daily report. I learned the name of the woman was “Gloria Star.” She lived right in Norman. They gave me her telephone number and suggested that I go for my own appointment, saying that she was an astrologer.

I kept her number awhile and wondered if I dared talk to her and find out for myself what she was doing? Remember, I was checking my own beliefs. Here I was now again. One day I decided to call for an appointment. I could always cancel. And I did not have to tell anyone. I only told one person, my Al-Anon sponsor. I decided to share with her as she had just gone to a Shirley McLaine retreat. I hesitantly drove to my appointment. I noticed that it was a very nice house. It did not look scary at all. Gloria met me at the door and invited me inside. Rather than bolt and run because I was not certain about doing this, I decided to sit down in the chair in front of her desk. Her kindness and smile caused me to relax, enjoy our visit, and listen with surprise at what she learned from my chart! It is a science!

All she knew about me was my name, address, phone number plus my date and time of birth. She had a chart in front of her which I later learned showed the location of stars when I was born and the present location of stars. Our visit gave me some interesting information. She told me what she could see when I was four. I learned that she had written several books which were already published on astrology. I asked more questions and listened carefully to her answers. Without asking me questions, she smiled and said, “Are you ready?” I responded, “Yes.” Goria began telling me what happened, how some of my patterns developed, and more. While talking, she recorded what she said so that I could listen to it later. As she talked, I began to think “Maybe the wise men following the stars were astrologers.” She shared more about my past and then she eventually came to the present and what she saw in my future according to the transition of stars.

As a gift to myself, I have her look at my chart and tell me what she sees every birthday. Why? I delight in the confirmation of what I am also seeing When something upsets me, I can see what she had to say about that time of the year. It nudges my intuition to a higher level. It helps me relax about a tough situation and also helps me sometimes have a different perspective. Gloria has gone on to write many more published books on astrology and is extremely respected in her field. She is not only a great person and an excellent astrologer, but today she is happily married, has a wonderful husband and family. They are moving to the Seattle area and Seattle is lucky to have all of them.

LESSON: By setting aside my ego and my past judgment as I entered the Wellness Fair and the astrologer’s home that I have talked about, I learned. I kept listening to my heart. What I did was between myself and God. My friends in life come in all shapes and colors and each one is unique. God is truly in every situation and in every room we enter. As we expand and learn more about Self, we have the opportunity to carry our own peace, love, and God’s joy into every room we enter.

GIFT: I knew what I had been taught, but I set all judgment caused by past teachings aside when I met each person and visited with others at the wellness fair. I did the same when meeting with Gloria. These people were using their intuition, learned skills, and gifts to try to help people that were hoping to improve their lives. Some were excellent and some were beginners.

I met one person that was reading at one wellness fair and later discovered this person that did my reading at the fair was a professor at OU. I attended his seminar and recognized him. We visited. Most were not aware of his gift. I met people attending that fair that were out of work and others that were professionals. Some had gone through death in their family while others were having relationship issues,and the list went on. I visited with a lawyer that I knew and another doctor I knew. As I said before, no one looked like I would have expected. Perhaps I was expecting costumes after I entered like at the Medieval Fair in Norman. Everyone was dressed nicely, some casually and some looked like they just came from work meetings.

This was the best gift. When I was asked to be a speaker at a Wellness Fair later on in my life, I knew what it was and said “yes” immediately. I knew it was a place people went to when they were hoping for help in life or perhaps had sometimes been hurt so much that they had lost faith. I had no doubt that if Jesus were asked to speak, he would. I know I am not Jesus. I am Susanne.


From the time we are born, every word spoken to us goes into our subconscious. We then draw to us what we hold within and feel! I learned that affirmations help us change the subconscious. Why not? So I decided to do daily affirmations as I attempted to change everything from bad money situations to reducing my stress level. If they could improve my self-esteem or help me change my negative patterns to the positive patterns, then I was ready!

Think about this. We begin as a thought of God. Then a seed is planted and growth begins. Our soul is close by and can hear everything going on in this baby’s surroundings even while being formed. Finally, it’s time to leave the mother’s womb. The baby travels through something like a tunnel, comes out head first, and then is held upright. Its soul enters with that very first breath as we hopefully move into loving hands upon entrance into this world. By six weeks, we add even more to our subconscious. Every word and situation is entering us. From that time until now, we have developed beliefs, patterns, and an amazing amount of information that is stored in our subconscious mind.

After I set goals, I wrote affirmations to hopefully improve me and my life; ones that would help me become more aware and able to recognize what patterns I needed to change so that chaos in my life could leave. I wanted to make positive changes as I discovered what created the negative patterns. I looked up ideas for affirmations on the internet and then set down to write my own. I penned one affirmation on each 3 x 5 card. It was suggested in an article I found on the internet that I put my written affirmations next to my bed and read all of them first thing in the morning and again at night. Later on, I was to say them as I looked at myself in the mirror. If I flinched, I did not believe what I was saying was true about myself. If I did not flinch, I was doing better in my belief about what could happen in my life.

I liked affirmations beginning with “I am” and ones that I put my name in. Several articles suggested that by adding my name, the affirmation would go into the universe stronger. I began writing them like this: “I, Susanne, am happy with myself as I am.” I sometimes added something to enhance it. For instance, “I, Susanne, am happy just as I am.  I love being single and am gaining healthy, happy friends in my life.” For money issues, I said, “I, Susanne, am loving this feeling of being affluent. It is so great to be able to pay all of my bills and have money left over. I even have enough to be able to help others.” When I was ready to draw a person to me, a great person to date or go to a movie with or slowly enter into a more serious relationship with later, I truthfully wrote: “I am Susanne, and, with God’s help, I want to find out what I want in a man and what it is like to have a happy, healthy relationship. It will be fun to be something like Cinderella discovering a good person.” I began these as soon as I wrote them.  That was in October, 1988. You will learn in a few blogs what happened on New Year’s Eve weekend and during that magical year. 

I also wrote one about changing my life from drawing only men separated, but not yet divorced, from their wives. Not one single man was ever attracted to me after my divorce, and it had been almost three years since I filed. Rarely was anyone attracted to me? Was I unapproachable? .So what could be causing this? In my subconscious, did I still feel married even though it had been almost three years since I filed for divorce? First I wrote, “I, Susanne, love being single. I am having a great life and my life is getting better daily. Every day offers new possibilities in life. I am looking forward to all that is coming.” I felt like there were no single men out there.

I feel like this could happen to many people. I was married for seventeen years before Don died. I was single only nine months before meeting the second man I married a year later. He tore me down after marriage, and I kept trying to put him up. I finally figured out what was happening. He was dating outside the marriage and believe that is the way all marriage is. But we were in that marriage for five years before I accepted that reality. As I looked back, I realized that I had never been comfortable being single. I married Don fast, and then I married Virgil too soon. I began doing a second affirmation about my negative pattern of drawing married men to me. It read something like, “I, Susanne, am loving being single. I am having fun, and great things are happening in my life. Being single feels so good. I have two beautiful, grown children, healthy and happy new friends, and lots of love from the visible and the invisible world. I am single, but I am not ever alone.” That did it. I began to love my single life, all that I was learning, and my chosen new goals that I hoped to reach.

These are just a few of the affirmations. Have fun when you do this. Put your stack of cards by the bed. I diligently did them, feeling what is being said. Write all affirmations in present tense. Use words in affirmations that bring excitement and inspiration. Someone wrote that if your name is inserted, it increases the energy into the universe about 50%. Then later another article said if one adds , with God’s help, it increases it more. Do what is comfortable for you. Keep it simple and happy. Watch what you start drawing to you.

LESSON: Affirmations help one feel better. Negative patterns began to be eliminated, and new healthier patterns began to emerge. When these requests go into the universe daily, someone is listening.

GIFTS: My self-esteem improved. I gained more hope. Doing affirmations to go along with goals I set physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually improved the likelihood of what was good for me to come towards me and become a part of my life.


Do you remember that to develop a personal relationship, I would listen for the name of a book? I told God that I did not know how to hear yet, so he would have to show me some books that might help me. If I heard the name of a book three times, I would buy it and read it. And I did just that as I looked for the answer within each book. I marked down every time someone talked about “A Course in Miracles.” Hearing people mention this book sixteen times, I still just kept trying to ignore it. I glanced at it once in Barnes and Noble, decided it was too thick. I also had other books that I was invested in at that moment, so I laid it down without even thumbing through it.

Then one weekend, Susan telephoned and asked me if I could help her move out of her house. She and her husband had finalized their divorce. Susan was moving into an apartment. The next day I went to work with her, and the move from her large home began. While I was putting books in a box, one fell off the shelf and hit my foot. It hurt.

Susan, hearing me wince loudly, asked, “What happened?” I responded, “Your ‘Course in Miracles’ just jumped out of the top shelf and landed on my foot!” Susan said, “That is a sign. I have wanted to read that. What does the sign say to you?” “Well, I have had it mentioned to me sixteen times so far and have tried to ignore it. I think my sign is, “It is time I purchase it and read it. I think I must be procrastinating on this one sign.” Susan laughed as she agreed that I was a little slow and said, “Let’s do it!”

We neither one had any idea what this book was about, but the cover said that this book was produced by the Foundation For Inner Peace. We knew that we both needed peace in our lives. Someone had handed it to her saying that she needed to read it. I just kept hearing different people mentioning it. We began meeting Sunday afternoons through Sunday evenings. We would climb onto her bed in her apartment, pop a big bowl of popcorn, open this book, as well as our Bibles, and our adventure in life continued. We assigned ourselves pages to read during the week, agreeing to mark what we wanted to go back to discuss in our next meeting. Sometimes we came to sections we questioned. That is when we would go to the Bible to see if we agreed with the Course or not.

The way Susan and I studied this together, we understood the Course and loved it! It is a self-study about our oneness with God and Love. There are many topics about removing fear, expanding love, letting go of ego, forgiving, and healing. It provides a way to release pain, transform thought, and bring peace within. Since this book is 622 pages and has so many lines that I underlined to discuss, I certainly cannot do it justice here. The Course in Miracles is the book that caused Marianne Williamson to write “A Return to Love,” which sold millions of copies. Upon finishing this fantastic study, we could not believe that we neither one had waited so long to read “A Course In Miracles.” However, we remembered that life happens in divine order.

If you ever decide to study the course, find a partner to share this study with or attend a group. We each agreed that the two of us doing this together helped when we came to a part that we did not understand or a place where we questioned what we each thought the Course said. We encouraged each other to keep going, and neither one gave up before the end. Plus, this study together brings back great memories to this day that we will never forget.

What did I get from “A Course In Miracles?” This Course helped me forgive past mistakes and brought more love and joy within. So many days, I felt like there was love in every cell in my body. I had completed the twelve steps in Al-Anon before I began this, and the Course confirmed many of my new truths and understandings while also bringing additional answers! The Course made me think about my ego, how to set it aside or get rid of it, or at least make it a much healthier ego if there is such a thing. I became more conscious of my responses. Was the response I gave one of love or my ego? The course says, “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.”

While writing this, I called Susan and asked her to send me a statement about what she received from “A Course In Miracles.” Susan is now a Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist and has helped many people through the years. Here is exactly what she said: “What comes to mind for me is atonement (atonement) and the freedom from shame over anything in the past and forgiveness.”

Always loving people and interested in another person, I gained the joy of meeting a person in a new way. All of my life, I had been pretty nonjudgmental. (My parents had lots to do with this development of my character.) Still, this Course opened me up and helped me feel even more comfortable when meeting a person and dealing with him or her while releasing all judgment—and listening in a new way made a difference in relationships. This energy helped people feel safe when sharing with me as it brought forth the truth with them having no fear. The course says when someone attacks, it is usually a call for help. As Susan and I moved through this study, I gained more and more peace, and I lost some fears that limited me. Sometimes I slip back, but I remember!!! There is no place where God is absent even when someone attacks and thinks they are doing right by doing so. There is nothing to be feared. I do believe this study brought me to a place where I could check my beliefs and learn more truths about myself.

LESSON: With love and peace in every step we take, we help bring both peace and more loving-kindness to this earth as we all move upon the earth!

GIFT: This was a major stepping stone to the next miracles that happened in my life. I am forever grateful for this study and for all Susan and I did together as it became a college course on love for both of us.

Setting Goals For A Great Life

Being single, running a business, and reading more spiritual books caused me to think about what I was doing and where I was going in my life. My present life could go better! Ha! I had money problems and could not keep my house much longer. At this same time, I was looking within myself, continuing to attend Al-Anon meetings, and watching for answers. I always appeared to others as a high achiever, but my personal life was not so good. Both husbands made decisions without me, and they both dated outside marriage. The second one was worse than the first. It was horrible. I, however, was learning about why all of this happened. It was me in many ways and what I was drawing to me. I believe we come here to learn lessons while on earth.  I did not catch on to my part of drawing this to me in the first marriage. I believe that I had too much joy with Dawn, Johnny, and even Don, along with the bad.  Don kept forcing me into change by not sharing some significant decisions, and some of the forced changes turned out well. 

I do believe God decided I would have to be hit over the head to “open my eyes, understand, and see myself clearly.” Thus, my second husband became an excellent teacher about lessons I should have learned in the first marriage and paid no attention to!. With the work I was doing, I was finally able to clearly see lessons received in both relationships.  I knew that I had to change me before ever getting into another dysfunctional relationship within my work or in my personal life. Thus, I began to look at my goals and where I was going from here.  

Every year I set goals for my work. That began way back there when I started planning for what would later became a large comprehensive mental health center in New Mexico. Being divorced now for almost two years and wanting some changes in my life, I decided to set new goals in the four ways I am rather than “just about business.”

I picked up a pad, turned it sideways, so there was more space to make four categories. I wanted one for Physical, one for Mental, another section for Emotional, and the last was for Spiritual. Then I thought about what I might want in my line “Physical.” I would first begin with myself, how I could keep my health good, what I might like to improve in my surroundings. Then I wrote what I would like to see improved in my home environment and the area I worked in when I was here at home. Following that, what would I want to see in my broader life in my community. Is there traveling I physically want to do? 

All I kept studying indicated that we are able to create. I really got into this. I adjusted each category to fit me. I began having so much fun that I thought others might enjoy doing goals this way. Under Mental, I put things like new ideas for work, opening my mind to discover what I believed and did not believe, allow new thoughts, and perhaps something new I might want to do this year like write a book or rewrite the one about my marriage to Don. It was sitting on a shelf in my closet. I had idealized him before I was willing to see everything clearly. I added a possible painting class. 

Emotional included my relationships, a more personal relationship with God, improved family relationships, draw healthier and enjoyable women friends to me. A year later, I wrote “a companion to have fun with,” and even “a new relationship for me with money.” I definitely needed a new way to look at money. No matter how hard I worked, I didn’t have enough money to cover expenses!

I knew when I wrote that down; it might mean letting go of an old belief “that owning a home provides security.” I might need to sell it and remove a large house payment. That might help in regards to a new relationship with money. I might also need to cut up my credit cards.  Spiritual included “improved active listening for both answers and feelings about my life.” I also wanted to raise my awareness of all answers,” and “bring more light into my life.” My lists continued to grow in all four categories because new ideas kept coming; I added each image to my list. 

When I thought I was ready for the next step, I purchased two poster boards and cut them in half. Then I gathered up old magazines to go through and randomly cut out pictures to exemplify my desires under each category. I titled one board for Physical, one for Mental, one for Emotional, and one for Spiritual.  

Now all of this may sound ridiculous, but “all” of those that I have shared this goal-setting adventure with that have done it for themselves were amazed with the results! And I did this the entire ten years I was single and a few years after we got married. I do still write down my goals each year, but I leave each goal without specifics. I want goals to be unlimited so that God and Spirit to add or subtract. They still go into four categories. Sometimes a goal goes all the way across.For a while, I even made a fifth category that was strictly about my career and selling my book. So I had the fifth line. Like what I said, do what is comfortable for you. But if you are single and want to see more miracles in your life, “write your goals.” Everything goes into the Universe with more strength and to your Divine Source when you handwrite it. And, if it is at all possible, make those vision boards. Write down what you want to happen, even if it does not seem logical to do so.  And then watch what happens within this year.

This “setting of goals” is excellent to do on a weekend when you have nothing else planned or when you are lonely or when you feel blue, and you think nothing will ever happen “for you.” You will be as amazed.” I was. One office hired me to come in and guide them every year. It was like a fun retreat, even if it was only for a short day of preparing for the growth they wanted to achieve at work, and then their personal goals. They had success every year and were amazed as each one presented the result of their written goals and vision boards before beginning the next year. This goal-setting procedure is fun to do in October because it gives the time as the year closes to start thinking about what’s coming in the future year.

LESSON; Have Fun!!! Allow that feeling of joy within as you create what is wanted for the coming year. I quit setting dates for a goal to occur. If I wanted, I felt free to write the same goal the following year. It will happen when it happens. Watch the chosen words for goals. I committed to writing about “When Spirit Speaks” and wrote “write book” as a goal. A year went by and I did nothing. Then I wrote “Enjoy sitting down at a computer and writing my book.” (I had no computer and could not afford one, but was unexpectedly given a brand new computer by a friend that year.) Amazing! That year I began. It took me five years, but I did it. Then “Improve my book by changing it into something like a script.” Next year was “Listen only to me.” (I had wasted a year by asking other friends to look at it.” I learned it was better for me to read and reread.)I rewrote it. Then “Enjoy redoing after editing.”)

GIFTS: It took me five years, but I did it. You see, Then I was scared it would not be good enough. I wrote, “Improve my book by changing it into something like a script.” The next year was, “Listen only to me and do my best. (I wrote this because I wasted a year by asking other friends to look at it.” I learned it was better for me to read and reread.)I rewrote it. My last goal before “Publishing my book” became a goal was “Enjoy redoing after John’s editing.”Each rewrite about my life and the most sacred experience brought healing. I believe everyone has a story and writing about life heals! One sees answers when writing.”

I put my house up for sale. I finally learned even more about what is important. Security is not a home or stuff outside of ourselves. Security is within.

I opened to new ideas and “began considering” speaking to businesses and individuals that desired positive change in life. All sorts of new ideas kept coming forth. Thoughts are sent many times by God and I paid attention to what I started thinking, since I was rearranging my life.