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My good friend, Gloria, came to Oklahoma City. We met for lunch and a quick visit. During the meal, she looked up and said, “Susanne, have you ever considered looking into Native American ceremonies? My response was, “No, but I did stop by the Mescalero Apache Reservation on my way home from Ruidoso to Portales one time, and they were having a pow-wow that I saw for only a few minutes. Why do you ask?” Gloria sat back as she said that she just had a hunch that it might be good for me. We changed the subject, and I dismissed the statement.

A few weeks later, I was awakened in the early morning by a telephone call from a friend from New Mexico. We worked together in New Mexico. She was our Public Relations Director, and we were close friends. Now she was working for Eastern New Mexico University in public relations. Surprised to learn that Carolyn was in Oklahoma City at a meeting and wanting us to have dinner, I felt fun and excitement soar through my body. We always laughed lots, and she could catch me up on friends I left behind years ago. We made arrangements to meet that very evening. I pictured the evening with just Carolyn and myself visiting over a great dinner. I pulled up to the Sheraton Hotel entrance in downtown Oklahoma City and ran in to find Carolyn. She planned to meet me in the lobby. I was right on time, and there she was. However, many people were also in the lobby.

After a hug, we began to discuss. I asked, “Carolyn, did all of you just get out of a meeting?” Carolyn: “No, I invited all of these people to go to dinner with us?” I looked at her, shocked, and said, “My car only holds five, six when scrunched. She encouraged me by saying, “Some others own cars.” I then asked, “Where are we going?” Carolyn began a long explanation that I am going to shorten. She said, They all wanted to eat at Cattlemen’s Steakhouse. I got a reservation for fifty for us.”. (I knew it was in the stockyards and its location, but I was still concerned.)

With Carolyn assuring me that some might even take a taxi, seven women piled into my car with two sitting on laps of the three-person backseat in and two in the passenger’s seat. Then it happened. A good-looking young Native American man that looked to be in his late 30’s opened the back door of my car, saying, “I would like to have a ride with you in this car. Is that okay?” All of the women were delighted and assured him that they could make room. I was not delighted! I said, “no.” Others were calling him and begging him to ride with them. I emphasized my position, saying, “You do not need to go with me. In fact, you cannot go with me. I already have way too many.” The women vehemently disagreed, and he slid into the car, sitting on a person’s lap. I thought, “Ugh! This is not good.” He yelled to the others that he was “supposed to go in this car.”

Well, this definitely was not what I had planned and visioned with Carolyn. Thank goodness. We made it to the restaurant. Sitting with my seat pulled as far forward as possible, and with nine people in my Thunderbird for five, we arrived with no police officer following us and all safe. I pulled up in front, telling everyone, “Here we are. You go on in, and we will join you.” The Native American told the others to go on and said, “I am going with her to park the car.” as he got into the front seat with me. I assured him that I did not need him to do that, and he needed to go on with the others. I hoped to have a few minutes to take some deep breaths before dinner with fifty people! He refused to leave me even though I explained that all I have to do is go around the corner, park, and walk back.

There was silence for a few minutes. I broke the silence by saying to him, “Obviously, these women are enamored with you. You must have been the main speaker today. Do you speak for a living?” His answer was, “Yes, what do you do?” “Well, I sell nutritional products today, but I am also a speaker. I have been thinking about taking seminars that I used to do for years in New Mexico and sharing them with businesses needing help and helping individuals with life skills. I asked one more question, “Do you like doing what you are doing?” His answer was, “Yes.” We talked as we walked. When we got to the door, he was a gentleman and opened the door for me. As he did, I looked at him and asked, “Do you practice your own traditional ceremonies?” He looked at me, surprised, and said, “As a matter of fact, I do.” I thought to myself, “Where did that come from?”

The two of us went on in. When we were shown the long table where everyone else was already sitting, we looked at the two seats left open. He looked at me and said, “Well, it looks like you are stuck with me for the evening.” We sat down. Everyone wanted to visit with him. Carolyn had people visiting with her on both sides of her. As I sat there, I pondered about how odd this evening seemed to be when my Native American rider leaned over and said, “Do you know any Native American in Oklahoma that can adopt you?” My answer was, “No, I do not.” He turned back to another person asking him a question. Carolyn and I were able to get in two minutes of visiting when he leaned over and again said, “Have you thought of anyone that can adopt you?” I replied, “No, I have not been thinking about it, but I still do not know anyone.” He looked like I really needed someone to help me and said, “You mean to tell me that you live in Oklahoma, and you do not know any full-blood Indians?” I responded, “Why do I need someone to adopt me?” He quickly said, “You have healed much, but you need more healing, and you need to go to a ceremony. To get into the ceremony, you need to be adopted.” I said, “If you knew what God has been doing with me these last three years, you would know that I do not need to be adopted. If I am to be at a ceremony, God will put me there.”

He then returned to the conversation to his right. I was on his left side, and I pulled on his left arm to regain his attention. He excused himself from the others to ask, “What is it?” Me: “Can you tell me what ceremony I need to attend to complete my healing?” He said, “The Sun Dance,” and returned to his conversation. I wondered, “Okay, is that anything like the ones we have where a person dances all night for a certain amount of money to contribute?  Ha!  I knew it must not be.”  So in a few minutes, I tugged on his arm again.  He turned to me.  I said, “What is a Sun Dance?”  He replied, “If your God wants you to know, you will find out.”  From that time on, he did not talk to me.  I listened to conversations going on around me, ate, and we all left.  

I kept waking up during the night, realizing the night was so unusual that it must have been a sign. I thought about Gloria’s statement and the few words between the Native American man and me. I dressed and knew that I had to return to The Sheraton Hotel, where the meeting was being held. I intended to find him. Who was he? How did he know I had been working on healing all within my Self, and I needed this ceremony? I got there and looked for several hours, only to learn that he was already gone. Then I tried to discover his name. This was so strange because no one knew it. They were all so enamored with him the night before, but no one knew his name? Then I went around asking for a program for their three-day meeting. I felt certain that his name would be on the program. No one had a program. Because I had a meeting of my own, I had to leave. I did find Carolyn and told her what I was doing, why I came back. She said that she would find out and call me. That did not ever happen. That evening had not been about visiting with Carolyn. It was about something entirely different, and I now knew it. Apparently, I was not supposed to know that speaker’s name.

Every day I kept thinking that I needed to go to the library and research “Sun Dance,” but I worked instead. Then one day, I went to a meeting in Oklahoma City. Afterward, I went shopping and ran into Susan, John’s Susan that was with another man. We greeted, and I asked, “Where is John?” She said, “Oh, we got a divorce six months ago. I guess he is in Pauls Valley. By the way, you never did come to see our house. It is now up for sale. If you want to see our home and see if we put some of your grandmother’s home into our home when we redid it, you need to come by fast.” I replied, “Well, I am coming to Pauls Valley next weekend for a family reunion. I will come by then.” She responded, “Good, see you then.” So I left. My cousin, Judy, asked me to ride with her to the reunion. I said that I would, but explained that we had to go by John and Susan’s home afterward. She agreed.

When we drove up to the home following the reunion, Judy looked at me and said, “Surely not.” I looked at her and said, “Surely not. I cannot believe this.” Their house looked just like my grandmother’s home that had been torn down twenty years before. It was a Victorian home with a wrap-around porch. When I knocked on the door, I thought Susan would be answering, but John answered. He was surprised, and I was surprised. He gave us a tour of the house. It was the same floor plan, but we only thought the back door might have come from my grandparents’ home.

When we were about to depart, John asked me to stay. I said, “No. You have been single six months and have not telephoned. If you want a date, call.” Then he handed me a 2×3 card. On one side, he wrote, “Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark.” I loved it. Then I said to him, “When you ask me out, I will say yes because I have wanted to talk to you for a long time. I wanted to finish the conversation that we began when we danced, but I knew you were married. Since you are single now, we can talk.” Then I headed out the door and down the steps to the car. When we got to the car, I put my purse inside. John asked again, “Please stay. I want to share with you a very experience. I just returned home.” Now he appealed to my curiosity. I asked, “What did you just return from?” He replied, “Sun Dance.” I reached into the car and retrieved my purse.  I said, “Will you take me home before the sun goes down?” John said, “Yes.” Judy was shocked that I was going to stay, but she headed off to see friends. 

So he told me all about Sun Dance over a bowl of popcorn. Then we headed to Norman. When we got there, we decided to go to “Field of Dreams.” Perfect for us to see. Then we headed to a Denny’s Restaurant and visited until right about 1 a.m. We got embarrassed for sitting there so long and decided to go across Norman to the other Denny’s on Lindsay Street and remained there talking until about 4 a.m.! We had to leave because John had to get ready for work, and so did I. That was the beginning of our relationship. That was thirty-one years ago. Excellent answers for relationships, healing of the past, and spiritual gifts continue to come right along during this time spent together.

LESSON: Pay attention to what appears and is not what is normal, to synchronicities, to signs. I might add this: What you think about, you bring about. What you talk about, you bring about. And what you think about and talk about, you become.

GIFTS: John and I finally got to talk, and we had lots to discuss. Both of us had moved through difficult times. We had each been guided to Native American ceremonies, the Vision Quest and Sun Dance, plus many more. John’s path opened up about six months ahead of me. I had a choice. I could go forward to see what this path might mean to me, or I could choose not to do so. I decided to go forward. I trusted John and knew he was definitely worth my wait for a fair and kind man.

As I looked at my past, I began to see places where I limited myself. My parents taught me what they thought I needed to learn. I went to church with my parents all my life. Thank goodness it was a very loving church and taught nothing that made me fear God. My God has always been a “God of pure love.” Jesus followed God’s suit as he loved unconditionally and stepped across self-limiting boundaries. I studied what Jesus did! The “Holy Spirit” fascinated me, because I did not quite understand it.

As I moved through that difficult marriage and began working on changing my own internal belief about me divorcing my husband, I began to question my beliefs. Wanting to understand more about what I believed rather than what others taught me to believe,” I looked within as well as without for answers. I spent time studying situations in my past, and I finally saw how I limited myself twice when making decisions. Both times involved money. Later, I learned that different decisions could have greatly helped me rather than hurt me in any way. But I said, “No” when I should have said, “Yes.”

My first “no” happened when I was putting myself through college and worked while going to school. I decided to go through a rush at the University of Oklahoma to see if, by joining a sorority, I could find a place to live that was nice but not as costly as the dorms were to be during my Freshman year. Not many go through a rush to join a sorority of choice asking monthly costs. I learned of a sorority that I not only loved but would be able to live in after my Freshman year in school. Luckily, they liked me and invited me to join. I was thrilled. While living in the Delta Gamma house during my sophomore year, I learned that cheerleading tryouts were coming up soon. Due to encouragement, I signed up to try out for “OU Cheerleader” and attended many practices.

I did not tell my parents, who were struggling with money issues due to my mother’s health problems, what I was doing.  I also knew how much it cost to be a cheerleader in my high school for the uniform, travel to and from games, eating along the way, and other cheerleading events. On the day those wanting to audition for cheerleader were to try out, I decided that I better work instead of being a cheerleader. I knew I would not be able to pay for everything plus take off time from work for travel to games, etc. Trying not to be sad about my decision, I went to work rather than an audition. Later that same day, I received a telephone call from someone that was a part of the decision-making group asking, “Why, Susie, did you not come?” 

My response was truthful. “I decided that I could not do this due to the cost of school, my expense every month for room and board, and clothes.” I heard silence on the other end and then, “Susie, every person choosing had been watching you during practices, and you were going to have the honor of being a cheerleader for the University of Oklahoma. Did you not know that you would have been getting help through your Junior and Senior years while you were a cheerleader?”I was almost sick. So that was the first big mistake I made. I would not have to leave school to earn money so that I could return to school. I thought that I could remain in school if I worked. As it turned out, I had to stop anyway. I hoped to return after earning enough money, but I did not get to do that for another sixteen years.

Another situation happened several months after I entered that second marriage. We returned to my home state of Oklahoma, and I decided to begin a business on my own. I was going to sell nutrition products and hopefully help others not have cancer! Only about two months into this new endeavor, I answered the phone hoping for an order. It was the owner of a bank that I had known for many years. He was wanting to visit with me about the possibility of sitting on the board of his bank. I listened as he said that he planned to bring up my name at the upcoming board meeting. He continued by saying that with my MBA and knowing I was on many boards in New Mexico and that the Governor appointed me to several state committees, he thought I would be a good addition. I graciously thanked him and asked him not to present my name because I was just beginning my own business and had no time to be on anyone’s board. I explained that I wanted to focus on my goals at work.

Once again I did not ask questions. I simply knew that I was the only breadwinner at the time and that I had to make money, but I did not say that. My husband was not working at all. We had purchased a home, and there was a big house payment. I had no idea that a person serving on a profit-making business’ board received some money. On the boards of non-profits and for the government, I sometimes received a trip for training and always received payments for mileage to and from board meetings.

Where else was I saying “no” to a situation that might be a “yes” for me if I understood something more about it? This thought kept bugging me. Thus, when Cathy came by one Saturday morning and asked if I wanted to go to a Wellness Fair with her, I wondered, “What is a wellness fair?” Asking Cathy this question, she responded with, “I am not sure.” This suggestion reminded me of her vision quest! I quickly agreed to go. It seemed to fit. After all, I was selling nutritional products at the time.

Entering the hotel where the fair was to be, Cathy and I both wondered about what we were going to see. We paid an entrance fee and stepped inside a large room filled with people and multiple booths. One had great books, another had rocks, and still, another one had terrific jewelry. Those three were our favorites.  There was a person doing massage on people fully clothed across the room. I jumped into that, and it was good. And, interestingly, there were psychics doing readings also. We agreed that we had never been to this type of fair. I checked myself as I looked at each person and kept in mind that God is everywhere, and God is also in this room. I began to look at each person with a knowing that we all have a spark of God within us, and that means every person doing a psychic doing readings also has that spark within. Cathy and I each sat down in front of several psychics for a reading. We noticed that everybody there looked very nice. Not one person looked a little kooky to us!

I kept remembering that intuition is a Spiritual faculty above the intellect. We carefully listened to what was said to each one of us. Both of us realized that some had higher intuition than others, but all were intuitively acute and kind. There was no way to doubt the gift of some of the ones doing readings. They were encouraging those that shared their difficult times with them, and they also were inspiring people to go forward on their path in life. We also went into another room to listen to one of the speakers that offering solutions surrounding everyday life problems. The one we attended was an excellent explanation of why it is good to walk a labyrinth. It turned into a perfect and different day for the two of us.

Months went by. When I went to the beauty shop, I overheard a conversation several other women were having. I guess I was eavesdropping when I heard them talking about someone that read their chart and gave them a year-long report or something that showed each day. What were they talking about? Well, about that time I started getting my own hair washed and could no longer listen. About six weeks later when I returned for a haircut, I again heard people talking about the same subject. I interrupted this time and asked where they got this daily report. I learned the name of the woman was “Gloria Star.” She lived right in Norman. They gave me her telephone number and suggested that I go for my own appointment, saying that she was an astrologer.

I kept her number awhile and wondered if I dared talk to her and find out for myself what she was doing? Remember, I was checking my own beliefs. Here I was now again. One day I decided to call for an appointment. I could always cancel. And I did not have to tell anyone. I only told one person, my Al-Anon sponsor. I decided to share with her as she had just gone to a Shirley McLaine retreat. I hesitantly drove to my appointment. I noticed that it was a very nice house. It did not look scary at all. Gloria met me at the door and invited me inside. Rather than bolt and run because I was not certain about doing this, I decided to sit down in the chair in front of her desk. Her kindness and smile caused me to relax, enjoy our visit, and listen with surprise at what she learned from my chart! It is a science!

All she knew about me was my name, address, phone number plus my date and time of birth. She had a chart in front of her which I later learned showed the location of stars when I was born and the present location of stars. Our visit gave me some interesting information. She told me what she could see when I was four. I learned that she had written several books which were already published on astrology. I asked more questions and listened carefully to her answers. Without asking me questions, she smiled and said, “Are you ready?” I responded, “Yes.” Goria began telling me what happened, how some of my patterns developed, and more. While talking, she recorded what she said so that I could listen to it later. As she talked, I began to think “Maybe the wise men following the stars were astrologers.” She shared more about my past and then she eventually came to the present and what she saw in my future according to the transition of stars.

As a gift to myself, I have her look at my chart and tell me what she sees every birthday. Why? I delight in the confirmation of what I am also seeing When something upsets me, I can see what she had to say about that time of the year. It nudges my intuition to a higher level. It helps me relax about a tough situation and also helps me sometimes have a different perspective. Gloria has gone on to write many more published books on astrology and is extremely respected in her field. She is not only a great person and an excellent astrologer, but today she is happily married, has a wonderful husband and family. They are moving to the Seattle area and Seattle is lucky to have all of them.

LESSON: By setting aside my ego and my past judgment as I entered the Wellness Fair and the astrologer’s home that I have talked about, I learned. I kept listening to my heart. What I did was between myself and God. My friends in life come in all shapes and colors and each one is unique. God is truly in every situation and in every room we enter. As we expand and learn more about Self, we have the opportunity to carry our own peace, love, and God’s joy into every room we enter.

GIFT: I knew what I had been taught, but I set all judgment caused by past teachings aside when I met each person and visited with others at the wellness fair. I did the same when meeting with Gloria. These people were using their intuition, learned skills, and gifts to try to help people that were hoping to improve their lives. Some were excellent and some were beginners.

I met one person that was reading at one wellness fair and later discovered this person that did my reading at the fair was a professor at OU. I attended his seminar and recognized him. We visited. Most were not aware of his gift. I met people attending that fair that were out of work and others that were professionals. Some had gone through death in their family while others were having relationship issues,and the list went on. I visited with a lawyer that I knew and another doctor I knew. As I said before, no one looked like I would have expected. Perhaps I was expecting costumes after I entered like at the Medieval Fair in Norman. Everyone was dressed nicely, some casually and some looked like they just came from work meetings.

This was the best gift. When I was asked to be a speaker at a Wellness Fair later on in my life, I knew what it was and said “yes” immediately. I knew it was a place people went to when they were hoping for help in life or perhaps had sometimes been hurt so much that they had lost faith. I had no doubt that if Jesus were asked to speak, he would. I know I am not Jesus. I am Susanne.

From the time we are born, every word spoken to us goes into our subconscious. We then draw to us what we hold within and feel! I learned that affirmations help us change the subconscious. Why not? So I decided to do daily affirmations as I attempted to change everything from bad money situations to reducing my stress level. If they could improve my self-esteem or help me change my negative patterns to the positive patterns, then I was ready!

Think about this. We begin as a thought of God. Then a seed is planted and growth begins. Our soul is close by and can hear everything going on in this baby’s surroundings even while being formed. Finally, it’s time to leave the mother’s womb. The baby travels through something like a tunnel, comes out head first, and then is held upright. Its soul enters with that very first breath as we hopefully move into loving hands upon entrance into this world. By six weeks, we add even more to our subconscious. Every word and situation is entering us. From that time until now, we have developed beliefs, patterns, and an amazing amount of information that is stored in our subconscious mind.

After I set goals, I wrote affirmations to hopefully improve me and my life; ones that would help me become more aware and able to recognize what patterns I needed to change so that chaos in my life could leave. I wanted to make positive changes as I discovered what created the negative patterns. I looked up ideas for affirmations on the internet and then set down to write my own. I penned one affirmation on each 3 x 5 card. It was suggested in an article I found on the internet that I put my written affirmations next to my bed and read all of them first thing in the morning and again at night. Later on, I was to say them as I looked at myself in the mirror. If I flinched, I did not believe what I was saying was true about myself. If I did not flinch, I was doing better in my belief about what could happen in my life.

I liked affirmations beginning with “I am” and ones that I put my name in. Several articles suggested that by adding my name, the affirmation would go into the universe stronger. I began writing them like this: “I, Susanne, am happy with myself as I am.” I sometimes added something to enhance it. For instance, “I, Susanne, am happy just as I am.  I love being single and am gaining healthy, happy friends in my life.” For money issues, I said, “I, Susanne, am loving this feeling of being affluent. It is so great to be able to pay all of my bills and have money left over. I even have enough to be able to help others.” When I was ready to draw a person to me, a great person to date or go to a movie with or slowly enter into a more serious relationship with later, I truthfully wrote: “I am Susanne, and, with God’s help, I want to find out what I want in a man and what it is like to have a happy, healthy relationship. It will be fun to be something like Cinderella discovering a good person.” I began these as soon as I wrote them.  That was in October, 1988. You will learn in a few blogs what happened on New Year’s Eve weekend and during that magical year. 

I also wrote one about changing my life from drawing only men separated, but not yet divorced, from their wives. Not one single man was ever attracted to me after my divorce, and it had been almost three years since I filed. Rarely was anyone attracted to me? Was I unapproachable? .So what could be causing this? In my subconscious, did I still feel married even though it had been almost three years since I filed for divorce? First I wrote, “I, Susanne, love being single. I am having a great life and my life is getting better daily. Every day offers new possibilities in life. I am looking forward to all that is coming.” I felt like there were no single men out there.

I feel like this could happen to many people. I was married for seventeen years before Don died. I was single only nine months before meeting the second man I married a year later. He tore me down after marriage, and I kept trying to put him up. I finally figured out what was happening. He was dating outside the marriage and believe that is the way all marriage is. But we were in that marriage for five years before I accepted that reality. As I looked back, I realized that I had never been comfortable being single. I married Don fast, and then I married Virgil too soon. I began doing a second affirmation about my negative pattern of drawing married men to me. It read something like, “I, Susanne, am loving being single. I am having fun, and great things are happening in my life. Being single feels so good. I have two beautiful, grown children, healthy and happy new friends, and lots of love from the visible and the invisible world. I am single, but I am not ever alone.” That did it. I began to love my single life, all that I was learning, and my chosen new goals that I hoped to reach.

These are just a few of the affirmations. Have fun when you do this. Put your stack of cards by the bed. I diligently did them, feeling what is being said. Write all affirmations in present tense. Use words in affirmations that bring excitement and inspiration. Someone wrote that if your name is inserted, it increases the energy into the universe about 50%. Then later another article said if one adds , with God’s help, it increases it more. Do what is comfortable for you. Keep it simple and happy. Watch what you start drawing to you.

LESSON: Affirmations help one feel better. Negative patterns began to be eliminated, and new healthier patterns began to emerge. When these requests go into the universe daily, someone is listening.

GIFTS: My self-esteem improved. I gained more hope. Doing affirmations to go along with goals I set physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually improved the likelihood of what was good for me to come towards me and become a part of my life.

Do you remember that to develop a personal relationship, I would listen for the name of a book? I told God that I did not know how to hear yet, so he would have to show me some books that might help me. If I heard the name of a book three times, I would buy it and read it. And I did just that as I looked for the answer within each book. I marked down every time someone talked about “A Course in Miracles.” Hearing people mention this book sixteen times, I still just kept trying to ignore it. I glanced at it once in Barnes and Noble, decided it was too thick. I also had other books that I was invested in at that moment, so I laid it down without even thumbing through it.

Then one weekend, Susan telephoned and asked me if I could help her move out of her house. She and her husband had finalized their divorce. Susan was moving into an apartment. The next day I went to work with her, and the move from her large home began. While I was putting books in a box, one fell off the shelf and hit my foot. It hurt.

Susan, hearing me wince loudly, asked, “What happened?” I responded, “Your ‘Course in Miracles’ just jumped out of the top shelf and landed on my foot!” Susan said, “That is a sign. I have wanted to read that. What does the sign say to you?” “Well, I have had it mentioned to me sixteen times so far and have tried to ignore it. I think my sign is, “It is time I purchase it and read it. I think I must be procrastinating on this one sign.” Susan laughed as she agreed that I was a little slow and said, “Let’s do it!”

We neither one had any idea what this book was about, but the cover said that this book was produced by the Foundation For Inner Peace. We knew that we both needed peace in our lives. Someone had handed it to her saying that she needed to read it. I just kept hearing different people mentioning it. We began meeting Sunday afternoons through Sunday evenings. We would climb onto her bed in her apartment, pop a big bowl of popcorn, open this book, as well as our Bibles, and our adventure in life continued. We assigned ourselves pages to read during the week, agreeing to mark what we wanted to go back to discuss in our next meeting. Sometimes we came to sections we questioned. That is when we would go to the Bible to see if we agreed with the Course or not.

The way Susan and I studied this together, we understood the Course and loved it! It is a self-study about our oneness with God and Love. There are many topics about removing fear, expanding love, letting go of ego, forgiving, and healing. It provides a way to release pain, transform thought, and bring peace within. Since this book is 622 pages and has so many lines that I underlined to discuss, I certainly cannot do it justice here. The Course in Miracles is the book that caused Marianne Williamson to write “A Return to Love,” which sold millions of copies. Upon finishing this fantastic study, we could not believe that we neither one had waited so long to read “A Course In Miracles.” However, we remembered that life happens in divine order.

What did I get from “A Course In Miracles?” This Course helped me forgive past mistakes and brought more love and joy within. So many days, I felt like there was love in every cell in my body. I had completed the twelve steps in Al-Anon before I began this, and the Course confirmed many of my new truths and understandings while also bringing additional answers! The Course made me think about my ego, how to set it aside or get rid of it, or at least make it a much healthier ego if there is such a thing. I became more conscious of my responses. Was the response I gave one of love or my ego? The course says, “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.”

While writing this, I called Susan and asked her to send me a statement about what she received from “A Course In Miracles.” Susan is now a Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist and has helped many people through the years. Here is exactly what she said: “What comes to mind for me is atonement (atonement) and the freedom from shame over anything in the past and forgiveness.”

Always loving people and interested in another person, I gained the joy of meeting a person in a new way. All of my life, I had been pretty nonjudgmental. (My parents had lots to do with this development of my character.) Still, this Course opened me up and helped me feel even more comfortable when meeting a person and dealing with him or her while releasing all judgment—and listening in a new way made a difference in relationships. This energy helped people feel safe when sharing with me as it brought forth the truth with them having no fear. The course says when someone attacks, it is usually a call for help. As Susan and I moved through this study, I gained more and more peace, and I lost some fears that limited me. Sometimes I slip back, but I remember!!! There is no place where God is absent even when someone attacks and thinks they are doing right by doing so. There is nothing to be feared. I do believe this study brought me to a place where I could check my beliefs and learn more truths about myself.

LESSON: With love and peace in every step we take, we help bring both peace and more loving-kindness to this earth as we all move upon the earth!

GIFT: This was a major stepping stone to the next miracles that happened in my life. I am forever grateful for this study and for all Susan and I did together as it became a college course on love for both of us.

Being single, running a business, and reading more spiritual books caused me to think about what I was doing and where I was going in my life. My present life could go better! Ha! I had money problems and could not keep my house much longer. At this same time, I was looking within myself, continuing to attend Al-Anon meetings, and watching for answers. I always appeared to others as a high achiever, but my personal life was not so good. Both husbands made decisions without me, and they both dated outside marriage. The second one was worse than the first. It was horrible. I, however, was learning about why all of this happened. It was me in many ways and what I was drawing to me. I believe we come here to learn lessons while on earth.  I did not catch on to my part of drawing this to me in the first marriage. I believe that I had too much joy with Dawn, Johnny, and even Don, along with the bad.  Don kept forcing me into change by not sharing some significant decisions, and some of the forced changes turned out well. 

I do believe God decided I would have to be hit over the head to “open my eyes, understand, and see myself clearly.” Thus, my second husband became an excellent teacher about lessons I should have learned in the first marriage and paid no attention to!. With the work I was doing, I was finally able to clearly see lessons received in both relationships.  I knew that I had to change me before ever getting into another dysfunctional relationship within my work or in my personal life. Thus, I began to look at my goals and where I was going from here.  

Every year I set goals for my work. That began way back there when I started planning for what would later became a large comprehensive mental health center in New Mexico. Being divorced now for almost two years and wanting some changes in my life, I decided to set new goals in the four ways I am rather than “just about business.”

I picked up a pad, turned it sideways, so there was more space to make four categories. I wanted one for Physical, one for Mental, another section for Emotional, and the last was for Spiritual. Then I thought about what I might want in my line “Physical.” I would first begin with myself, how I could keep my health good, what I might like to improve in my surroundings. Then I wrote what I would like to see improved in my home environment and the area I worked in when I was here at home. Following that, what would I want to see in my broader life in my community. Is there traveling I physically want to do? 

All I kept studying indicated that we are able to create. I really got into this. I adjusted each category to fit me. I began having so much fun that I thought others might enjoy doing goals this way. Under Mental, I put things like new ideas for work, opening my mind to discover what I believed and did not believe, allow new thoughts, and perhaps something new I might want to do this year like write a book or rewrite the one about my marriage to Don. It was sitting on a shelf in my closet. I had idealized him before I was willing to see everything clearly. I added a possible painting class. 

Emotional included my relationships, a more personal relationship with God, improved family relationships, draw healthier and enjoyable women friends to me. A year later, I wrote “a companion to have fun with,” and even “a new relationship for me with money.” I definitely needed a new way to look at money. No matter how hard I worked, I didn’t have enough money to cover expenses!

I knew when I wrote that down; it might mean letting go of an old belief “that owning a home provides security.” I might need to sell it and remove a large house payment. That might help in regards to a new relationship with money. I might also need to cut up my credit cards.  Spiritual included “improved active listening for both answers and feelings about my life.” I also wanted to raise my awareness of all answers,” and “bring more light into my life.” My lists continued to grow in all four categories because new ideas kept coming; I added each image to my list. 

When I thought I was ready for the next step, I purchased two poster boards and cut them in half. Then I gathered up old magazines to go through and randomly cut out pictures to exemplify my desires under each category. I titled one board for Physical, one for Mental, one for Emotional, and one for Spiritual.  

Now all of this may sound ridiculous, but “all” of those that I have shared this goal-setting adventure with that have done it for themselves were amazed with the results! And I did this the entire ten years I was single and a few years after we got married. I do still write down my goals each year, but I leave each goal without specifics. I want goals to be unlimited so that God and Spirit to add or subtract. They still go into four categories. Sometimes a goal goes all the way across.For a while, I even made a fifth category that was strictly about my career and selling my book. So I had the fifth line. Like what I said, do what is comfortable for you. But if you are single and want to see more miracles in your life, “write your goals.” Everything goes into the Universe with more strength and to your Divine Source when you handwrite it. And, if it is at all possible, make those vision boards. Write down what you want to happen, even if it does not seem logical to do so.  And then watch what happens within this year.

This “setting of goals” is excellent to do on a weekend when you have nothing else planned or when you are lonely or when you feel blue, and you think nothing will ever happen “for you.” You will be as amazed.” I was. One office hired me to come in and guide them every year. It was like a fun retreat, even if it was only for a short day of preparing for the growth they wanted to achieve at work, and then their personal goals. They had success every year and were amazed as each one presented the result of their written goals and vision boards before beginning the next year. This goal-setting procedure is fun to do in October because it gives the time as the year closes to start thinking about what’s coming in the future year.

LESSON; Have Fun!!! Allow that feeling of joy within as you create what is wanted for the coming year. I quit setting dates for a goal to occur. If I wanted, I felt free to write the same goal the following year. It will happen when it happens. Watch the chosen words for goals. I committed to writing about “When Spirit Speaks” and wrote “write book” as a goal. A year went by and I did nothing. Then I wrote “Enjoy sitting down at a computer and writing my book.” (I had no computer and could not afford one, but was unexpectedly given a brand new computer by a friend that year.) Amazing! That year I began. It took me five years, but I did it. Then “Improve my book by changing it into something like a script.” Next year was “Listen only to me.” (I had wasted a year by asking other friends to look at it.” I learned it was better for me to read and reread.)I rewrote it. Then “Enjoy redoing after editing.”)

GIFTS: It took me five years, but I did it. You see, Then I was scared it would not be good enough. I wrote, “Improve my book by changing it into something like a script.” The next year was, “Listen only to me and do my best. (I wrote this because I wasted a year by asking other friends to look at it.” I learned it was better for me to read and reread.)I rewrote it. My last goal before “Publishing my book” became a goal was “Enjoy redoing after John’s editing.”Each rewrite about my life and the most sacred experience brought healing. I believe everyone has a story and writing about life heals! One sees answers when writing.”

I put my house up for sale. I finally learned even more about what is important. Security is not a home or stuff outside of ourselves. Security is within.

I opened to new ideas and “began considering” speaking to businesses and individuals that desired positive change in life. All sorts of new ideas kept coming forth. Thoughts are sent many times by God and I paid attention to what I started thinking, since I was rearranging my life.

Being single felt strange. I was working hard all year selling my nutritional products and finding others that wanted their own business. My entire group was doing great! Upon notification that I would be going on an all-expense-paid trip to Hawaii, I was excited! I could take my husband or a child under 18. Well, with no husband and both children over 18, I responded, “Yes, and I will be traveling alone.”

When I arrived in Honolulu, the day was beautiful.  The 5-star hotel was on the beach, and it was gorgeous.  I found myself to be one of the only single persons at this gathering for the week.  One day there were no tours or meetings to attend.  I went exploring by myself.  

I saw a large group in chairs where entertainment was taking place.  I walked to the spot, found a seat, and became enthralled with a presentation and dance being performed by a good-looking young man that appeared to be in his mid to late twenties.  He had the most amazing tattoos of beautiful colors!  I am not a fan of tattoos, but they were so different.

Following the performance, I walked up to him to say, “thank you for being a part of this fantastic afternoon, and I loved your performance.” I also told him that I was impressed with his tattoos and asked him if he was Hawaiian.  He replied, “I am Samoan. Then he began explaining to me about his tattoos.  It took a long time to complete them.”  He shared that he was from a “traditional” family and that his Uncle did his tattoos.  I learned about the table it was done on, how it was done, everything.

It was a rite of passage for a young man to acquire his traditional tattoos.  Each one had its importance.  His uncle did his.  The young man is allowed to take nothing, and it is a painful procedure. One can only handle it for a while and then must stop.  It is also a bloody procedure.   At this point, he asked me where I was from and turned the conversation to me and my life.  I shared.  Next, I complimented the crown he was wearing while performing, and said I wondered if he knew a store where I might buy one to wear for tonight’s evening event I was to attend.  I shared that it matched my dress, and I was hoping to find one like it.  

He smiled and kindly told me that it was sacred, or he would let me have his.  I said that was not my intent. He also explained that he might have to get permission for me to wear it. We visited a little more, and I began heading towards the Hotel. I have no idea what happened or what I said that caused him to yell, “Stop.” I looked back, and he said, “Wait! I want you to wear this tonight!”  Now I was confused, but we walked towards each other.  The Samoan removed it from his head and put it on mine.  

We made arrangements for me to meet him in the morning to return it.  Due to his conversation with me, I was overwhelmed with gratitude and handled it carefully, very carefully.  The following morning, we met.  He had a woman with him.  I introduced myself to her and told her how much I appreciated wearing this sacred handmade crown.  I handed it to him, and he held it out to me again.  He said that he wanted me to have it. I knew something out of the normal was happening, but why would he let me have it?

I did bring it back to Oklahoma with me and kept it in a glass case where everyone could see it as they entered my house in Norman.  Then one day, a friend and her three-year-old daughter came over.  When Sally and I were talking, her daughter was quiet.  As she left, I walked her to the door.  The handmade crown was all over the floor.  Her daughter opened the door herself and reached it.  Little did the mother or daughter know that it was something I cherished. I kept remembering that stuff, no matter how valuable, is not as important as a relationship.  Don dying and the fire in our house taught me that. And perhaps it was time for it to go.  

LESSON:  Honor, respect, and kindness bring blessings.  Stay aware of God’s gifts of special moments, and be grateful. It is good to talk to people when there is something positive you want to tell them.  

GIFT:  I learned about another culture, a tiny bit about his traditional ways, and the kindness of a young man I just met.  He represented to me other Samoans I might have the opportunity to meet in the future.  Remembering him, I attempt to be kind and respectful to those from another country even if they seem irritated with us in the United States.  Perhaps they might think we are all, or at least some of us, are like that!  And life gets a little better!  

GREAT GIFT THAT JUST CAME TO ME! For years, I wondered why I asked a Native American man that you will learn about later in my blog, “Do you practice your traditional ways?” I could not figure out where that statement came from. Now I understand. The Samoan said more than I could put in this blog. He explained how important “traditional ways” passed from generation to the next generation, ancient ways, are! The Native American reminded me of the Samoan and the Samoan reminded me of the Native Americans I met on the Mescalero Apache Reservation in New Mexico and many of the Native Americans we met while on the ski patrol. They worked at the ski area.