We had discussed divorce. This husband informed me that our marriage was typical, and it was normal for a husband to look outside while married. In other words, he thought the man could date, and it was normal. I shared that I did not want that kind of marriage. Several more months went by after our discussion. Continuing to work on me, I no longer responded to his intimidating words nor what he said to make me have fear about leaving. More answers came to me, confirming his lies and his actions with other women as I moved towards filing for divorce. Suspicions were true. I learned, for sure, that one person he was dating was my best friend.
We had an initial meeting, each with our lawyers, about the division of property. It did not go well for him. It was November, and we were having our first snow of the year. When I arrived at my lawyer’s office for the meeting, my lawyer told me I was not to say anything, not one word, during the conference! Amazingly, I did not. My lawyer and I listened carefully as my unnamed husband spoke. He surprised me when he turned to me and said, “Susanne, would you like to respond to some of these statements?” I did so. His lawyer was stunned with my response, so he must not have been told the whole story by his client.
In a few days, we learned my present husband was going to contest the divorce because he wanted alimony and we had not agreed to that during the settlement conference. My lawyer expected him to want more than was offered and he felt certain my husband would be entering the courtroom on crutches, no matter how far out the court date would be set. I was fine. That hearing was not scheduled until the middle of January.
The morning before our court date, however, my lawyer telephoned saying, “Your husband is having a witness to confirm his good character. Can you find witnesses to help us? This was about 9 o’clock a.m. I was on my way out the door to do a stress seminar for Norman’s fire department.
I took a breath and then put my situation in my God Box before leaving. I said that I would make no telephone calls, but would ask every person that called me for an order for the nutritional products I sold or others telephoning if they knew anything about my husband they wanted to share with me and, if so, would they consider being a witness for me. I then finished my note saying that “I only have until 4 o’clock to find a witness because my lawyer has to provide the names.
I arrived home about 11:30, and by 4 o’clock, I handed him the names of fourteen witnesses. My lawyer could not believe it. I couldn’t either. I was even amazed by what I learned. My Angels did great!
It turned into two full days in court. He wanted alimony plus my nutrition business. The Judge’s final words were, “I do not know why we are here. He has already spent all of her money. He then turned to me and said, “I am so sorry, but I have to give you every bill, your house payment, everything, because he has not worked. However, you do not have to give him alimony payments or your business. You keep the house. (That I was hoping he would get due to high payments.)
GIFT: I was free to grieve both Don’s death and this divorce. I did so, but first with no energy, I went straight home, to bed, and slept two days.
Lesson: Do not enter a relationship until you take the time to both grieve and heal the past. When one has not taken the time to learn more about Self and walks into a gathering while still sick over a situation they left, the person will draw the sickest person in the room to him or her. Of a person is whole, that person will draw a whole person and a relationship that is healthy and happy.
GIFT: This work I did on me prepared me for greatly improved relationships in all parts of my life. I now believe we are in school on earth and are here to discover the answers to our repeating negative patterns that cause us problems. When we do the work, life dramatically improves. God is good.